Online Dating Advice 101

The Four Cornerstones of Successful Internet Dating

Is the world of online dating all it's cut out to be?
It may not a magic cure to everything that ails you, but Internet dating is indeed as highly popular and as effective as us dating industry professionals say it is. Sure, in love, like in life, nothing is ever guaranteed, but as you are reading this, people all over the world are falling in love, hooking up and getting married as a result of trying online dating. It does actually work for people,or it wouldn't be the billion dollar industry it is today.

For some people, though, the experience is not as successful. Mistakes are easy to make when trying something for the first time. If you are going to get anywhere with online dating, there are a few things you'll need to get your head around. The following should give you an idea of what it takes to get results out of the online dating world.

1. Put the effort in


Online dating may be simple and easy to use, but that doesn’t mean you should simply sit back and let things happen. By making the decision to date online, you are effectively making a commitment to yourself and your own happiness. This may sound a bit serious, but there is no need for stress. All this means is that you are saying to yourself that your well-being matters to you and that you are willing to take steps towards a better life for yourself. Putting the effort in doesn't have to mean sacrificing all your free time and energy, but it does mean you should treat your decision to date online with the respect both it and you deserve.

• Research and try out a few different dating sites before choosing one to join. You can ask your friends which sites worked for them, read dating site reviews or just sign up for a few free demo accounts or trials and see which one you like best. Being on the wrong site can make all the difference between finding the right person and finding only people you would never dream of dating.



• Spend some time making your profile attractive by choosing a good picture and writing stuff that matters. Don’t be tempted to leave things cryptic and minimal: make yourself stand out!



• Think before you click: putting some effort into the messages you send people on the site will go a long way towards getting you replies. Make sure you really read someone's profile before saying hello and try to go behind the obvious and really show you've paid attention.



• Spend time searching for suitable people and be prepared to kiss a fair number of frogs before your prince or princess appears.
Online dating is a numbers' game and if you have any standards, you wil most likely have to go on a few disappointing dates. Accept it and don't give up.







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2. Keep safe


People vary quite greatly in the way they embrace the online dating experience. While some treat it with caution, following all the safety guidelines to the dot, others simply jump in there, assuming everything will be OK.
Let’s face it: most online dating experience don’t end in disaster. If they did, Internet dating would have died off long ago. This has much to do with the fact that online dating crime is reasonably limited, but following the safety rules and keeping a level head are also important contributing factors. Planning for the best while preparing for the worst is the best way of ensuring a safe, happy online dating experience.

• Read, memorise and follow online dating safety advice. Sound, basic advice is readily available on all good dating sites, with more detailed advice available in various online dating guides, including, of course, my book.



• Remember that the people you meet online are strangers and exercise the appropriate level of caution until you are satisfied that they are OK.



• With this in mind, take precautions when meeting people for the first time, particularly if you are a woman. Meet in a public place, let a friend or relative know who you’re meeting and where and prearrange a way to signal for help in the unlikely case you may need to do so (better to be safe than sorry, right?).



• Be on the look out for online dating scammers who may try to sell you sob stories to get you to send them money. On the whole, it’s a Really Bad Idea to send money to anyone you met on the Internet, regardless of what sad story they tell. If you suspect anyone of being a scammer, or if someone you met seems too good to be true, consult your dating site’s customer service team, who should be well-experienced at spotting and dealing with such scammers. They will also keep your query confidential.



3. Enjoy the experience


One of the main gripes some people have with online dating is that it can sometimes take the element of fun from the dating experience. It doesn’t have to be this way. Just because the process can sometimes seem like a cross between applying for a job and interviewing potential job candidates, doesn’t mean you can’t go out, have fun and enjoy the feeling of being a girl or guy about town. In fact, many online daters say that joining a dating site and going on dates has in itself turned their lives around.

• Be happy! If you’ve been out of the dating experience for a while, going out and interacting with various friendly strangers could be just what you need to get you back on your feet.



• Even a bad date can teach you something about yourself and your own needs, wants and goals. Treat each one as a stepping stone that's getting you one step closer to finding your mate.



• Don't give up. It may take time and a bit of effort, but if you stick with it, you're in with a good chance of finding the right person for you. If you give up, however, you're guaranteed to fail.
4. Keep living your life


What do revenge and happiness have in common? They can both be achieved by living well. But while action movies may suffer if their angry, bereaved heroes all dropped their weapons and headed to the nearest spa, your own life would only improve if you put your love-search in perspective. Sure, finding someone to share your life with is a noble cause and should be treated as such, but there is no need to let it dominate your life. The happiest relationships are those that stem out of a wish to complement someone’s life, rather than act as a crutch. Apart from giving yourself a chance to enjoy the other parts of your life, being happy with yourself will also make you more attractive to others. So while you’re looking for your dream man or dream woman, don’t put your life on hold. Go out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies, learn something new and take care of yourself and your own needs. When the time comes and you find the right person, you will know that you are doing it for the right reasons.


As the title suggests, this article is meant to serve as an introduction to what it takes to make online dating work for you. More detailed online dating advice, tips and information are available in Everyone’s guide to online dating: the only online dating book written specifically for the UK market. Find out more or order your copy.