An Online Dating Blog by Shimrit Elisar

Social networking Vs dating sites

March 17th, 2007

I recently started reading The Paradigm Shift and came across the whole discussion about social networking sites.
I remember reading sometime last year (I think) about some research conducted across Europe that found that most people who used social networking sites, used them for social networking, rather than outright dating. I would add that even the dating done on social networking sites is usually (in my experience at least) very different to the type of dating done on dating sites. Standard dating sites are very focused. They’re very pragmatic, to the point of taking all the romance out of the process and turning dating into a business transaction. It’s basically a glorified meat market, whether you like it or not.
A lot of people have a problem with that approach. It takes a very particular state of mind to decide that you’re going to go online and basically “shop” for either a serious relationship or a shag. Obviously, this sort of online dating is popular for a reason and it helps millions of people find love everyday who probably wouldn’t have otherwise, but we as an industry have to admit that this form of dating is not right for everyone, just like “traditional” club/pub/work dating is not right for everyone.

The sort of dating that happens on social networking sites often happens as a result of extending your social circle outwardly through friends of friends, discussion groups, reading blogs, etc. It doesn’t have that pressure to hook up that standard online dating does. You can speak to someone and just be friends, you can be active in discussion groups without hitting on anyone, it’s a more natural approach to the process. Of course, this creates a confusion about whether it’s acceptable to ask someone out (and often a confusion about how to do it) which, I guess, is why so many people don’t use these sites for dating. If social networking is stealing people away from standard dating sites then it’s probably because those people prefer the more casual approach, rather than the direct approach, just like in real life. If you’re the sort of person who likes to build a friendship before dating someone, standard online dating may be a bit much. I keep hearing that complaint from people. On the other hand, if you know you want to find someone and don’t want to beat around the bush then you can’t really beat it. It’s just a matter of differing styles.

Social networking sites provide other services for their users apart from connecting them with people to date. There’s a whole generation of kids out there who are using these sites as means of having a community and a sense or belonging. Sites like Myspace are now a part of the growing up process of so many teenagers who can’t relate to the people in their local community but have really busy social lives online. These kids will grow up and, unless they develop an aversion to online interaction (because it would remind them of their unhappy times as teenagers) will most likely turn back to social networking when they’re short of dates in their area.

Entry Filed under: Industry stuff