Archive for March, 2007
In a recent article in Wired Magazine, Regina Lynn talked about her experience of dating in 3D virtual worlds like Second life and why she found the experience preferable to standard online dating.
She said:
If I’m going to get involved online, I’d rather meet people in a 3-D virtual environment. The avatars they wear and the environments they build tell me more about them than their online dating profiles.
While I agree that standard online dating has a lot of issues, the thought of dating in Second Life as it is now, fills me with actual dread. Back when I was a teenager using text-only chat in the early days of the Internet, I met quite a few people online and the thing that most hit me was how easy it is to build up a completely false mental view of someone from the way they conduct themselves online. More often than not, the people were completely different in real life. I’ve met many people whose majestic online presence painted a picture of confident, funny and creative individuals, who in real life were socially inept, hygenically questionable deadbeats far from the well-adjusted image they presented on the Internet. Sure, the sides of their personality represented online were definitely them as well, but unless I was going to limit my interaction with these people to the virtual world, I wanted to make damn sure the people I associated with were real-life compatible too. I went through a phase of trying to bring out the best in such people but ultimately decided it wasn’t my job to be a social interaction advisor for people I was considering dating.
Maybe I am a bit result-oriented, but the wonderful things someone does virtually don’t really count for much in my eyes if the person is a couch potato who spends most of his life online programming virtual world monuments to visit from the comfort of his own bedroom. I’d be much more impressed by someone who actually got off his ass and went to the great wall of China than by someone who knew how to script one in Second Life.
Fantasies are just that, fantasies. You can make them real in a virtual world but that still doesn’t make them real enough for me.
Saying that, an integration of 3D worlds into dating sites might not be a bad idea. Most sites nowadays offer some sort of chat, so why not make it more exciting?
March 21st, 2007
Nothing like waking up in the morning and finding out some asshole has gone and spammed the hell out of my blog with all kinds of dodgy drugs and sex sites. As flattered as I am about my blog being chosen to promote East European criminals, I’ve now removed the lot and stopped all trackbacks. If anyone knows how to stop this from happening with Wordpress, please let me know.
March 19th, 2007
I am introducing a news section so I can advertise things to do with the book.
Today’s exciting news is that I’ve added Amazon sales links to the site. The book is available for pre-order from Amazon (and a few other places) already.
I get more money per sale if people click on to Amazon through my site rather than going direct, so if you’re going to buy a copy, please do it via this site.
Thanks 
March 18th, 2007
I recently started reading The Paradigm Shift and came across the whole discussion about social networking sites.
I remember reading sometime last year (I think) about some research conducted across Europe that found that most people who used social networking sites, used them for social networking, rather than outright dating. I would add that even the dating done on social networking sites is usually (in my experience at least) very different to the type of dating done on dating sites. Standard dating sites are very focused. They’re very pragmatic, to the point of taking all the romance out of the process and turning dating into a business transaction. It’s basically a glorified meat market, whether you like it or not.
A lot of people have a problem with that approach. It takes a very particular state of mind to decide that you’re going to go online and basically “shop” for either a serious relationship or a shag. Obviously, this sort of online dating is popular for a reason and it helps millions of people find love everyday who probably wouldn’t have otherwise, but we as an industry have to admit that this form of dating is not right for everyone, just like “traditional” club/pub/work dating is not right for everyone.
Continue Reading March 17th, 2007
* That’s the London Underground, for you non-Brits
Just saw this ad today:
Crappy pic, I know, but I didn’t have a proper camera on me. Click on the image for the bigger version.
It’s a bit unclear in the pic, but the woman is said to be a model into “modern art and boxing” and the guy is a “businessman” who likes Stallone and wildlife. The man is 5′11″ and 29, the woman is 5′4″ and 25. Seems like some very traditional, stereotypical assumptions are being made about the preferences of the target audience. Then again, The Asian community is often quite traditional so maybe they’ll all be flocking to Shaadi.com to find their own businessmen and models.
I noted there aren’t any calls to action, nor are there any promotional codes, mobile shortcodes or any other method of tracking conversions from this campaign. Pure branding? I hope they have money to burn. I know how much these campaigns cost…
March 15th, 2007
Writing a book is like fighting the Terminator: just when you think it’s done and dusted, the thing rises up again for another round.
Editing, proofing, indexing, it just never ends. Whoever said writing for a living was easy? Oh yeah, no one.
I am pretty sure I am done working on it now. I went over and corrected the final proofs, I did the index (in MS Word and it wasn’t at all as difficult as I thought it would be) and sent everything off to the production company. My handwriting is pretty awful and I’d never done any proper proofing in my life, so I’m sure my scribbled notes in the wrong places are going to raise a few eyebrows. Hopefully I won’t be getting too many emails and phone calls about it, though, because as far as I’m concerned it’s done now and is ready to be released into the wild.
Obviously, this is just the beginning, because my PR person has told me there’s already a lot of interest in the book, but at least the actual production stage of it is over. It is over, right?
March 14th, 2007
The NY times just published an article about online dating coaching. It totally summed up the main difference between the American and the British online dating scene for me.
This particular quote drew my eye:
Jim Safka, chief executive of Match.com, based in Dallas, says online dating is like being on stage and being viewed by thousands of people. “Wouldn’t you spend some time backstage getting ready?” he asked.
To me, comparing online dating to standing on a stage makes it sound like you are expecting people to put on a show, rather than just be themselves. Who wants to be in a relationship where they have to put on a show all the time?
Over here, people think about online dating more in terms of going down the pub (or bar, if they are a bit trendier) and meeting people. Sure, you want to make a good impression, but you’re not going to get a makeover for the occasion. In the UK, makeover photos are pretty much frowned upon. This is really the land of understatement.
Continue Reading March 13th, 2007
Following on from my earlier post, I just came across an interesting discussion on reddit talking about personality testing, horoscopes, etc.. I think it illustrates my points quite well. Here is what someone got as his profile, without actually answering any questions:
You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them.
You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.
You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.
At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.
Is there anyone out there who could not see themselves in that?
This is obviously quite an extreme example of a bad personality test, but it does show how easy it is to fool people into believing you actually know something about them.
March 12th, 2007
So the market is levelling out in the US, what are you gonna do about it? Apparently, you go back to the very roots of marketing and talk about sex sex and more sex. So first we had the whole female orgasm brainscan email thing from chemistry.com, then lavalife decided to go even further and talk about male orgasms in a poll that just reeks of PR stuntness (Not that I’m saying they faked the results or anything. I mean, that’s as unlikely as men faking orgasms, right? Oh wait…). Today, my Google news alert delivered me this. What next??? Dare I even ask?
Luckily, the UK market is still going strong, but I do have an idea for a new spokesperson in case business goes slow and we need to uhh… pump it up a bit…
March 12th, 2007
There’s been a lot of talk on the industry sites recently about personality testing and matching on various dating sites and whether or not they work. For people who run dating sites, personality tests provide that little bit extra they can offer their customers to get them to choose you over others. In the US, where the online dating market is now leveling out, there is obviously a need to provide extra services and to create the impression that there is a real need and a real demand for such services. America is a country where marriage is now seen almost as a business transaction. There’s even books out there that tell women to leave a man unless he’s proposed within a set duration of time. It’s all about “sealing the deal”. It’s also a society in which people are taught to expect a lot more for their money and, as a result, take a lot less responsibility for their own welfare. The proliferation of fast, processed food is one example of this, as well as the fact that people have actually won lawsuits for having their coffee served too hot. It doesn’t take marketing rocket science to see how simple it would be in an environment like that to create a market for a service that offers to do some of the “hard work” for you and save you time, so you can get back to your “busy life” (cause none of us want to admit our “busy lives” are so empty, we spend most of our free time trying to pick up people online).
Continue Reading March 10th, 2007
Next Posts
