Online dating, you’re doing it wrong

I’ve written a lot about which pictures not to pick for your online dating profile, but if you need any more proof as to why people might think you’re a little bit off, then I have some fine examples for you right here. The word on everyone’s lips is “why?!”

First up, here’s a little page from Buzzfeed, collecting 27 cases of men most ladies would not want to meet dating online. The sad thing is, some of these guys don’t actually look half bad. If only they’d not chosen their words and pictures so damn poorly…

But before you start talking to be about how sad and clueless straight guys can be, I give you another recent discovery. This one’s a blog by an anthropology student collecting pictures from gay dating sites and apps where the subjects are posing in front of the Holocaust memorial in Berlin. Why? I hear you ask. I don’t know. But it happens often enough to feed a whole blog and makes you wonder whether these people are ignorant, want to appear cool or just don’t care.

Funny online dating cycle. Can anyone relate?

Here’s something I’m sure many of you will be able to relate to. Huffington Post reports on one blogger’s “online dating chart”, showing the cycle she goes through with dating on OKCupid.

I’m sort of thinking… If you keep going through the same cycle, why not change it? Change your dating site, do stuff that doesn’t involve online dating to meet guys… Or maybe start by not turning to online dating during times when you’re feeling low and desperate. You generally tend to meet better matches when you’re feeling good about yourself and about being single. Just a thought…

Are you and your date compatible? Here’s a fun test to try

I first found a version of this so-called psychological test online about 6 years ago. I think it was supposed to be some Jungian thing, but I actually have no clue who came up with it. I’ve been reminded of it recently and of the fact that it can be quite a fun way to get to know new people. I reckon it would be a great thing to use on a first date to see if you and your date are on the same page. The answers to these questions tend to change many times throughout life, depending on where you are, your mood and one’s changing outlook on things, so they are never set in stone, but they can certainly be quite telling. I wouldn’t go basing whole relationships on this test, but you’ll be surprised at how accurate it can be. Try it on yourself first, before scrolling down to read the answers. Obviously, there are no right or wrong answers, although there may well be answers someone could give that would make you think you’re not entirely compatible.

Ask your new friend the following questions:

1. What is your favourite wild animal and why?

2. What is your favourite domestic animal and why?

3. What is your favourite body of water and why? (things like the ocean, rivers, ponds, springs, lakes, etc.).

4. What is your favourite food and why?

5. What is your favourite flower and why?

6. What is your favourite tree and why?

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Answers and meanings

The wild animal is how the person sees themselves and the why is the qualities they value most in themselves.

Domestic animal is what they look for in friends.

Body of water is their attitude towards love and sensuality

Food is their attitude towards sex.

Flower is the way they see spirituality

Tree is their attitude towards life.

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Bad first date. Worst post-date communication

This post first-date email is doing the rounds on the net right now and is possibly the perfect example of what NOT to do after a first date with a woman. Nobody quite knows whether or not it’s real (though it at least appears to be real on the surface), but speaking both as a dating professional and a woman, I can tell you such men really do exist. Basically, this investment manager guy went out on a date with a woman. The date, according to the woman, was absolutely horrible. Then the guy texts and leaves messages for the woman, which she never replies to. The man then goes and sends here a terribly long, freaky email which you can read here.

Note to guys who think that’s acceptable behaviour – if the woman didn’t reply to your texts, she’s sure as hell not going to reply to your strange and detailed rant. She’s just going to run away and, if you’re unlucky, she’s going to put it up on the Internet like this woman did. But, what struck me most about the email “Mike” sent “Lauren” is that “Mike” has obviously spent some time reading about body language and subconscious, non-verbal signals to the point where he considers himself an expert on the matter. The fact that he accuses the woman of leading him on using what are generally accepted to be subconscious signals is pretty precious too, but this should be a lesson for anyone who spends too much time hunting for signals and not enough time paying attention to how the date is obviously going badly. Nobody owes anyone anything after the one date so just accept things and move on. Save the 1000 word rants for your breakup with the woman who actually dates you more than once.

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“Ugly” people get to date with “beautiful” people, thanks to sneaky computer virus

A dating site called “BeautifulPeople”, which prides itself on careful screening of its members for attractiveness and only allowing beautiful people to be matched has been hit with a sneaky computer virus that seems to have made a mockery of the whole thing.

The site recently had to delete over 30,000 profiles of members who had managed to skip the site’s voting process and put their profiles on their site without being vetted for attractiveness. Talk about revenge of the nerds! But the best part? The virus was actually called “Shrek”.

Supposedly suspicion fell on a disgruntled ex employee, which would make sense, as they’d have an understanding of the way the system works and, most likely, the technical ability to break it. I was sort of hoping it would be a gifted reject who’d create this cyber protest. Perhaps they are one and the same?

My jury’s still out on sites that cater to “beautiful” people. On one hand, rejection can be quite harsh and make people feel bad about themselves at a time when they are looking for love – not a good thing. Also – should being shallow about looks be encouraged?

On the other hand, there are so many dating sites out there with so many people. The ability to concentrate your search on people who actually fit your standards can be a godsend and ultimately, people want to meet singles who are similar to them. Attractive people tend to want to meet other attractive people – it’s evolution in action. On the grand scale of online dating horrors, it’s loads better than sites promoting extra-marital affairs, etc.

Either way, this story made me laugh. Wouldn’t it be even funnier if people managed to meet someone “ugly” on the site and fall in love before the accounts were removed?

You can read the full story about the ugly virus here.

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Possibly the best dating profile ever (funny)

A friend sent me this link of someone’s dating profile on OKCupid. I don’t know whether the person behind this profile’s actually intended on finding love on there (I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be the guy’s real picture), but I bet he’s going to get a lot more attention that if he’d gone and written about enjoying long walks on the beach.

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A fairytale story with a twist

This video made me laugh, plus it was filmed in my neighbourhood! It’s a fairytale story of love, but not as you know it. Children and sensitive people, cover your ears! This has got one or two bad words in it and some adult themes.

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A questionnaire for catcallers

In the world of the dating and male / female interaction no nos, the catcaller deserves a special mention. I never get men who think it’s OK to catcall and whistle at women. Does this sort of thing ever work outside of, you know, the jungle? I bet even chimp ladies would turn their noses at catcalling male chimps.

I’m never really sure why guys do it. It’s disrespectful and annoying and not likely to get anyone any action, apart from maybe a slap.

The Riot came out with a hilarious questionnaire that you can print out and hand out to unsuspecting men who harrass you on the street. Might be more amusing than just turning around and shouting at them, which is what I usually tend to do.

The questionnaire resides here. It’s very explicit, so reader beware if these sort of things bother you. It would probably go over the heads of most of the guys in question, but I’m sure it would feel good anyway. Beats looking them straight in the eye and handing them a Christian conversion tract. Or does it? Hmmm.

I’d be interested to hear guys’ opinions about the reasons behind catcalls. All the guys I’ve come across in my professional and personal life wouldn’t dream of doing this sort of thing, so I am at a loss as to who does. It’s obviously a cross-cultural thing and some sort of macho group behaviour thing, but you’d have thought it would mostly die out by now, at least in countries where women are allowed to go about their business without covering up to the point where not even their eyes are showing.

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The Onion does a dating feature

For obvious reasons, I am no stranger to the world of rehashed, convoluted dating features that fill the pages of newspapers and magazines nowadays. I’m sure you know them too – articles dealing with “relationship trends” and other such so-called global matters of the heart that may be affecting people in this modern world blah blah.

While useful to me as a dating blogger and to the journalists getting paid to write them, I am never quite sure how useful most of these articles actually are in terms of assessing real dating trends and changes to the way people view relationships.

Well, here’s what happens when spoof news site, The Onion takes a jibe at such fluff…

As usual, it’s spot on and side-splittingly hilarious.

Check out “Woman Begins To Regret Dating Someone Spontaneous”.

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Hilarious online dating video

This time the rant isn’t mine, it’s someone else’s, who’d gone to the trouble of making a Youtube video, with spoons.

If you want to know what dating on dating site OKCupid is like (at least for this one member), or, to be fair, what online dating is like in general for some people, check out the below video.

Be warned that there is a little bit of (funny) rudeness thrown in there, though. We are talking OKCupid, Youtube, spoons and Queen, after all. Did I forget to mention it’s set to the tune of Queen’s Bohemnian Raphsody?

I think this video perfectly sums up the frustrations many people feel when dating online – bad matches, no matches, not knowing what to write about yourself, etc. I’m sure this will hit a note with at least some of you and it’s always good to know you’re not alone.

Luckily, for most people, these problems are more than fixable, but that is a matter for a different post. For now, just enjoy this brilliant video:

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