Is image really everything?

March 13th, 2007

The NY times just published an article about online dating coaching. It totally summed up the main difference between the American and the British online dating scene for me.

This particular quote drew my eye:

Jim Safka, chief executive of Match.com, based in Dallas, says online dating is like being on stage and being viewed by thousands of people. “Wouldn’t you spend some time backstage getting ready?” he asked.

To me, comparing online dating to standing on a stage makes it sound like you are expecting people to put on a show, rather than just be themselves. Who wants to be in a relationship where they have to put on a show all the time?
Over here, people think about online dating more in terms of going down the pub (or bar, if they are a bit trendier) and meeting people. Sure, you want to make a good impression, but you’re not going to get a makeover for the occasion. In the UK, makeover photos are pretty much frowned upon. This is really the land of understatement.

It’s obvious that a lot of people need help with their profiles/picture selection (which is why I wrote the book in the first place), but what sort of help would actually be useful? It’s not always an easy case of having a blurry picture or a one-sentence profile. It’s very easy to help someone write a good profile or give someone a makeover and use professional lighting effects to make them look better in a photo but that is a short-term gain model which works out better for the coaching company than for the customer. If someone writes a very negative profile, you tell that person to take that stuff out and write something positive instead, but would that change the way that person feels, thinks and acts in a relationship or on a first date? I think this whole area needs to take on a more holistic approach instead of just concentrating on presentation (although I realise that is a much easier thing for people to conventrate on).

I make a point in the book of saying to people: if this is really how you feel about yourself and your life, maybe you are not ready to go out there again, maybe you need to take a look at your life and work on other areas that need improving first. This is obviously something online dating sites don’t really want to acknowledge. Are coaching companies offering that service? I doubt any of the profile writing services would tell you to stop dating online if you just paid them $69 to vet your profile.

We have to remember that the “product” we’re trying to market here are people within the context of long-term relationships. Clever marketing will only get you so far. If the issue is with the “product” and not the “branding” then the “product” itself needs to be improved for the “transaction” to be successful.

Related posts:

1. Is it really over?
2. Spring clean your dating profile

Entry Filed under: Industry stuff