An Online Dating Blog by Shimrit Elisar

Dating and socialising online - why are they still two separate things?

May 25th, 2007

In past posts in this blog, I sang the praises of social networking sites and talked about how much more natural the meeting process is on there.
Now, after reading the article linked to below, it’s time to talk about the Other Side

The early adopters of social networking technology were not only those separated from their friends and family by means of physical distance but also those who didn’t quite fit in with their immediate, real life environment. Sites like livejournal and Myspace are notorious for being the haunt of teenage (and older) goths who make use of the exhibitionist nature of those sites in order to finally live out their fantasies of having an active social circle and look mysterious and cool. While the ability to network with others via a mutual friend is very handy, having your friends’ list displayed in a prominent location can make the whole thing turn into a massive popularity contest, a fact which is now much abused by PR companies. People wear their friends and favourite artists like badges of honour, becoming “better people” by having a busy profile. Even the interaction is done publicly, to create the feel of being very socially involved.

The result can seem pretty juvenile to say the least, so it’s no surprise when someone like a 40-something BBC journalist gets rather disappointed when trying it out and declares it the realm of the young.

I think this accounts for much of the reason why places like Myspace haven’t taken off as dating sites in Europe, even though they are supposedly perfectly set up for a more natural introduction process than dating sites (whose funnel-like, one-track mind nature supposedly makes them perfect for the 30-somethings who want to settle down and breed while the body-clock is still ticking).

But in the US, social networking sites are apparently stealing people away from online dating sites. Personally, I think this is down to the exact same one-track-mind nature of dating sites: yes, people don’t want to be alone, but they don’t always want to be reminded of the fact that they are alone. The casual socialisation of social networking sites can make you feel less lonely. Scanning profiles on a dating site for an hour and then going on a bad date can get quite depressing after a while. But then so can logging onto Myspace and being surrounded by badly designed profiles made by 15 year olds.

So why aren’t we seeing more hybrid sites that combine the “adultness” of dating sites and the casualness of social networking sites?
In real life, a person in their 30s or 40s would probably not go speed dating every night, but would also not go to a student bar or a school disco to hang out. Isn’t it time more dating sites started offering an element of fun, in much the same way social networking sites started off by offering online dating features too?

Entry Filed under: Industry stuff