Online Dating Tips
This is where I collect all my online dating tips and Internet dating advice. Together this is quite a lot of information about how to get your online dating experience right and which mistakes to avoid. This is regularly updated with new advice posts, so if you’re confused, disillusioned or disheartened with your dating and lovelife, this is probably the best place to start.
CNN ran a weird article recently, about people who lie on online dating sites. The article details research done by a professor in the University of Kansas, looking into people’s lying habits on one “big long-term relationship dating site” (unnamed, but I have my suspicions).
The researcher spoke to over 5000 people and asked them whether they would lie on a dating site and why.
The results seem to imply that those people who said they would lie are the type of people who want to please people and tell them what they want to hear. They don’t lie out of malice, but because they want people to like them.
Both the article and the research seem to blatantly ignore things such as scammers, married people passing themselves off as single and players passing themselves off as serious.
All of these are, sadly, a big part of the online dating industry, which people should be told about and taught how to spot and avoid. Unfortunately, I doubt any of those types of online dating liars would take the time to answer the good professor’s survey and share with us the reasons why they choose to lie and cheat.
On the other hand, we’ve learned that people who are lonely, looking for a serious relationship and willing to take a (most likely lengthy) survey for no personal gain are apparently keen to please. Who’d have thought?
And… get this!
“Online daters shouldn’t be concerned that most people are presenting a false impression of themselves,” Hall said in a news release before Thursday’s phone interview. “What influences face-to-face dating influences the online world, too.”
The fact that the professors conducting this survey tell people that they don’t have to worry about people lying to them online just shows me how out of touch they are with what’s going on out there. The only worthwhile conclusion of this so called “research” is what everyone in the online dating industry knows already and has done for years:
the people who would lie to you online are the same people who’d lie to you in the real world, be they scammers, compulsive liars, cheats or just “self-monitors”, to use a term from the article itself.
Did someone actually pay for this research? If I were paying taxes in America I’d be well pissed off.
You can read the full text of this, frankly rather lame, article here.
March 8th, 2010
It’s that happy time again. Forward thinking to Valentine’s day, Parship.co.uk are letting you use their site for free until Sunday. Hurry up and give it a go if you want to see what it’s all about.
On a site that won’t let you view pictures before you pay, being able to see who you’re talking to for free is a big big plus, I’m sure you’ll agree.
February 5th, 2010
How do fate and luck factor into online dating? What can we do to improve our chances when dating online, to prevent ourselves from falling for the wrong people?
Continue Reading February 3rd, 2010
Online dating is all well and good, but limiting your social life to online interaction will do you no favours. For many people, it takes a while before all those profile searches, winks and messages turn into actual dates. So in the meantime you should be looking at additional ways of getting yourself out of the house and into social situations where you will meet new people.
Continue Reading November 25th, 2009
A weekly roundup of some online dating stories and offers from around the Internet and the world, as well as my own commentary, of course. This week - an offer from eHarmony, a new iPhone app and some new online dating research.
Continue Reading November 20th, 2009
A good profile in itself is not enough to make your online dating experience successful. The truth is, with the right advice and support it’s not very difficult at all to come up with a profile that portrays you as someone most men or women would want to date. But if all those things you take out of the profile were originally put there because of your state of mind, baggage, fears or bitterness, then the thin screen provided by the profile won’t be enough to carry you through the whole dating process.
Continue Reading November 12th, 2009
If you want to get anywhere with online dating, there are a few things you will need to get over. Finding love online is a lot easier if you allow yourself to use all the resources at your disposal. Here are 5 common difficulties you will need to overcome in order to get the most out of your dating experience.
Continue Reading October 19th, 2009
I get a lot of people asking me how to spot a scammer online and the truth is, spotting a scammer is at once very difficult and very easy.
Continue Reading October 7th, 2009
Online dating sites are certainly the most direct way of meeting other singles online, but as much as online dating professionals hate to admit it, they are not for everyone. If you’ve given online dating a good try and have decided it’s not for you after all, then it’s time for a bit of lateral thinking. You can still use the Net to meet new people, for both friendship and romance. It may not be as direct as going on a dating site, but for many people, that is actually somewhat of an advantage.
Continue Reading October 2nd, 2009
If you hate being single during the holidays and are looking for romance, rather than just a casual fling, now’s the time to start thinking about preparing your lovelife for winter.
Continue Reading September 22nd, 2009
New figures released by dating site OKCupid reveal some interesting things about online dating response rates and important information about sending your first message to someone online.
Continue Reading September 12th, 2009
If you are struggling to write your dating profile, here are five tips that will help get you started. Take your time, and remember everything is a work in progress.
Continue Reading August 20th, 2009
Writing an online dating profile is not easy. Maybe that’s why many people end up relying on cliches in theirs. As an online dating consultant, I’ve seen my share of profiles (thousands) and there are definite trends when it comes to writing them. In fact, the majority of profiles I come across read more or less the same. When I provide dating profile writing services I try to get people out of the trap of stating the obvious in their profile, but if you’re looking for dating profile examples to help you write yours, here are five dating profile cliches you’ll want to avoid.
Continue Reading August 11th, 2009
I recently read one of those annoying articles about online dating and what a great disappointment it is.
I often wonder what people expect from online dating to be so unpleasantly surprised by the reality of it.
In my experience, such disappointment is often a product of unreasonable expectations. Yes, some sites are better than others and some people are more easily suited to online dating than others, but ultimately, if you expect online dating to solve all your problems, you will most likely be disappointed.
Here are some things you shouldn’t expect online dating to do for you:
Continue Reading July 23rd, 2009
For most people, the online dating profile is a work in progress. It changes as they use the site(s) they’re on and it adapts as they get responses and learn more about the type of people who contact them.
Sometimes this is a good thing, but all too often I see people, obviously fed up of getting the wrong type of responses (or being in the wrong type of relationships), who decide to address the issue in their profile… with terrible consequences.
Continue Reading June 22nd, 2009
If you’re here then you probably already know that uploading a picture to your online dating profile is a must. Most people won’t even bother looking at your profile without one and many will make snap judgements about you based on the photo you upload.
Unless you’re comfortable and natural in front of a camera and already know your best side, this will have undoubtedly caused you some concern by now. In general, women tend to overdo it, whereas men are notoriously bad at picking unflattering photos. There are, of course exceptions…
Here are some tips for helping you choose the right photo:
Continue Reading June 11th, 2009
Much has been written about how to handle rejection. Being rejected on the Internet can be just as painful as being rejected in real life. Remember this, because this post is actually not about handling rejection, but about doing the rejecting.
Continue Reading May 21st, 2009
It’s no secret that many people are put off by online dating because they think so many people on there lie about stuff like marriage/relationship status. While Internet dating players are not any more or less common than their offline counterparts (and then to appear more often than not in the lives of those online daters who turn to attract bad apples wherever they go), it’s true that it lends itself to milder cases of people bending the truth.
Continue Reading April 18th, 2009
A while back, I warned about a common online dating scam involving an Iraqi soldier.
Now news has come out about a British woman who fell victim to a very similar scam, losing £10k in the process. The scammer pretended to be an American soldier serving in Afghanistan.
Continue Reading April 11th, 2009
If you want to increase the level of responses you get on dating sites, here’s a handy tip: make sure you’re smiling in your photo!
This is especially true for men, but women, too, can give up the whole aloof image thing - it only makes you look silly.
Continue Reading March 14th, 2009
Even if you put the effort in and message people, getting people to reply to your messages on online dating sites is not always easy. Men, especially, have to contend with plenty of competition online and can sometimes struggle to get noticed.
Here are a few ways you can make yourself stand out from the crowd:
Continue Reading March 8th, 2009
Here’s a handy tip if you want to increase your chances of finding someone to love (or date) online.
You probably already know that it’s worth trying out a few sites before deciding which one to sign up and pay for.
But once you’ve chosen one or two you think are definitely worth your time and money, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t add your profile to some other sites as well. It’s a more effective way to date online and the closest thing you can get to being in more than one place at the same time.
Continue Reading February 26th, 2009
Real life dating is not always fun. Depending on the sort of person you are and your state of mind, it can be frustrating, depressing and confusing. Sure, it can also be fun and exciting, but many people shy away from having to go out there, meet new people and kiss many frogs.
Such people might turn to online dating as an alternative, hoping to be able to just sit back and find “the one” without any conscious effort on their part. Bzzzzt WRONG! A bit harsh, I know, but the truth must be told.
Continue Reading February 19th, 2009
If you’re in the UK and are looking for a big, reputable dating site to try, there are a few much publicised options. Everyone’s heard of Match.com
because of the TV adverts and it’s definitely a very well-designed, easy to use site. But is it the best site for you? How does it compare to other similar UK sites?
Below is a quick table I knocked up, showing how the top rated sites in the UK* compare on the feature front. They are all extremely popular sites with hundreds of thousands (or millions) of members.
Depending on the features you want in a site, some sites might be more suitable for you than others. Just remember that the most important thing is the people on the site and not just the features!
Continue Reading February 8th, 2009
Fact: a significant number of people who use online dating are already married or otherwise attached.
MSNBC claimed recently that up to a third of those dating online in the US are married already. I don’t have the figures in the UK, but I would assume they’re not far off.
As much as I disagree with this form of premeditated cheating (to clarify: I see all forms of cheating as inadvisable, but it’s one thing to be swept away by someone you met at random and a totally different one to go actively looking), I do approve of cheater sites and sites that let you display the “married/in a relationship” option. Why? Because this way less people get lied to and less people get hurt. There are people out there who don’t mind seeing married people, so let them dig their own grave.
Unfortunately, some people don’t bother telling you, so you have to figure it out yourself.
Continue Reading January 26th, 2009
When you’re trying to decide whether or not to sign up to a particular dating site, the natural thing to do is to scout the Internet for reviews. After all, you don’t want to spend money on a site that might turn out to be a waste of time. Unfortunately, it’s very hard to accurately review dating sites.
Some things, are easy and obvious. If a site has hardly any people dating on it, for example, it would be easy for any reviewer to pick up on it and warn potential members. Listing a site’s ethos, list of features, design and ease of use are also easy to discuss, as well as any entry requirements for members. It’s also often possible to discuss whether a site is particularly full of scammers and spammers. Beyond that, though, is where it gets a bit more difficult.
Continue Reading January 24th, 2009
This is a public service announcement. If you want to get yourself a date for Valentine’s day, now is when you should be starting to really make an effort. If you haven’t signed up to a dating site yet, you’ll need to hurry up and do it, set up a profile, upload a picture and start contacting people as soon as.
Continue Reading January 20th, 2009
Online dating is big business and there are always people out there who’d take advantage of people who are willing to pay. Online dating companies have a whole arsenal of tricks up their sleeves aimed at getting people to pay and stay on their sites. Here are a few secrets of the trade you may have not been aware of.
Continue Reading January 12th, 2009
Struggling to come up with the right stuff to put in your personal description? Need someone to help you pick a good profile picture? I am now offering personal online dating help by email.
This is your chance to get your profile checked out by someone who’s seen thousands and thousands of dating profiles and knows what works and what doesn’t.
Click here for more details.
January 2nd, 2009
Online dating site subscriptions come in many shapes and sizes (and prices!). Knowing which one is the best for you can be as confusing as choosing the right site. If you’re struggling to make a decision, your troubles are over! Take my quiz below to find out which type of online dating site membership suits your lifestyle best.
Continue Reading December 23rd, 2008
OK, there’s actually a lot of stuff that dating sites won’t tell you, hence I marked this post as #1 of many. But rather than talk about the shadier side of things, I want to talk about something totally different, that is actually quite positive in its own way.
Dating sites always advertise themselves as the way to find the right person for you and encourage you to keep dating on the site and meeting new people. But in reality, many people who date on dating sites end up finding someone in completely different ways, once they’ve been dating online for a while. In many cases, it is the online dating experience that made this possible, albeit indirectly.
Continue Reading December 19th, 2008
Christmas is a time for making lists, so I thought I’d use this opportunity to talk about the makings of a good dating sites. Whenever I review a dating site, I look for particular features to determine how good it is. When you evaluate a site in terms of whether it’s a good place to go and spend your money (and/or your time) it’s good to have an understanding of what you can expect from a good site so you can make a more informed decision.
Here’s a checklist of things you should look out for. Good dating sites will offer you all these and more.
Continue Reading December 18th, 2008
The current financial crisis has done nothing to deter people from searching for love, but if you want to use online dating during these hard times, you’ll want to make sure you’re doing it within your budget. It’s not as hard as you might think to save money while dating online, all it takes is a bit of planning and a bit of a changed mindset.
Here are some handy tips to help you save money while looking for Mr or Mrs right (or right now) on the Internet.
Continue Reading December 13th, 2008
When you’ve met someone online who seems normal, it stands to reason that you’ll want to speak to them on the phone sooner or later. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want just any person to have my mobile number and I sure wouldn’t want them to have my landline number unless I had good reason to believe that person isn’t a freak.
Continue Reading November 27th, 2008
This one is new to me, but has apparently been around for a while. A friend of a friend was communicating with someone on a big free dating site who claimed to be a soldier based in Iraq.His profile picture had him wearing a uniform and holding a gun, but he described himself as “shy”. He asked her for a relatively small sum of money (for a scammer) as a deposit for a service that would allow them to speak on the phone. Once paid, he disappeared. Turns out he was doing the rounds on the site, conning lots of women out of cash.
This serves as a good reminder to be careful while dating online. Especially on free dating sites. Never send money to anyone you meet on a dating site!
Here are some more handy online dating safety tips.
November 3rd, 2008
Looking for the Match.com free trial? Here’s how to get it. They are now offering a 7 day free trial, rather than 72 hours free trial.
Here’s how to get your Match free trial:
- Click here to go to Match.com
- Sign up with your details
- Go to the subscription page by clicking on “subscribe now” on the top left
You will need to put your credit card details in as if you are paying for your subscription, but (and here’s the cool part) the first 7 days of each subscription period are absolutely free! You will only be billed after 7 days, so if you don’t like the site, you can cancel within 7 days and you won’t get charged.
Click here to go to Match.com now
For the USA Match site, you can use the link below for your free trial instead:
Try Match.com - 3 Days Free
If you’re after a Match.com (USA) discount, rather than a free trial, read my other post instead.
October 12th, 2008
I’ve managed to get my hands on a promotional discount code for Lavalife. I’m going to be collecting discount codes/special offers for various online dating sites on this blog from now on.
Lavalife is huge in the US/Canada and is now big in Australia too. They claim to have over 15 million members worldwide.
They’ve handily separated out their members according to what they’re looking for. This means you’re less likely to come across someone looking for casual sex when you’re looking for love and marriage. They also now have a specific community set up for mature daters. I
As with most sites, you can sign up, look around and flirt for free, but if you’re looking for the good stuff (actually communicating with people) you’ll have to pay.
So if you want to try out Lavalife for less, here’s a discount coupon code to save 15% off any subscription. Follow the link, sign up for a free account and then, if you like what you see, go through and pay using the code and you will get your 15% discount. Click the link below to make use of this offer:
Save 15% off any Lavalife subscription! Use Coupon Code 780121.
October 10th, 2008
One question I keep getting asked is “what is the best dating site?” The short answer is, of course: there is no such thing.
Where is the best place to meet the love of your life? Ask any person who’s happily married and they’ll tell you the place where they met their husband/wife. This could be a particular club, the supermarket, the chess club, a resort in Ibiza, or practically anywhere else in the world. If you went to the same place as person X, would you meet the love of your life too? Who knows? There is absolutely no guarantee.
All we have going for us are statistics: increasing our chances of success. Sure, you may well meet the love of your life on the bus or on the beach, but you are far more likely to meet him/her somewhere a bit less random. While miracles obviously do happen, you can’t live your whole life sitting at home, passively waiting for one to happen for you.
So the first step is to put yourself out there, go out, date online, etc. Doing this increases your chances already, so how do you increase them further?
Continue Reading October 17th, 2007
Looking for help with writing your online dating profile? I am now offering personalised profile writing help by email. Click here for more details.
This may seem obvious, I know from my own experience how hard it is sometimes to forget that you are writing to an audience that may not know anything about the subject you are writing about.
I’ve seen quite a lot of profiles where people seem to almost write in code. They seem to almost be writing for themselves without clatrifying potentially ambiguous points.
When you are writing about yourself, then you are writing about a subjet you know a lot about, so it’s easy to forget to fill in the details you think are pretty obvious.
While sometimes it’s OK to not over-elaborate (If you’re into house music, for example, there’s no need to spend lines upon lines explaining what type of music that is) some things may require a bit more detail to be properly understood.
Saying you are into “travel” or “dancing”, for example, would not make you stand out from the crowd and will definitely not tell your readers that much about you. Most people would say they enjoy travel but one person’s idea of the perfect holiday could be another person’s total nightmare.
Remember that what is obvious to you (’travel” meaning adventure travel to exotic places or “dancing” meaning ballroom dancing for example) may be completely misunderstood by others unless you elaborate.
Think about all the things you would like to know about your potential mate and come up with a list of questions (you can even write them down if that helps). Then answer all those questions in your own writing about yourself.
Looking for help with writing your online dating profile? I am now offering personalised profile writing help by email. Click here for more details.
October 16th, 2007
I run into a lot of people who tell me they tried online dating and it didn’t work for them. When I ask for more details and get the full story, it usually turns out they’d tried one dating site and when it didn’t meet their expectations assumed all dating sites are the same and quit trying altogether.
In my opinion, you’ve not really given online dating a proper chance until you’ve looked at 5-10 sites and properly tried (as in, signed up for the free account, ran a detailed search and maybe even joined the free trial) at least 2-3. There are literally thousands of sites out there and while there are things that are bound to be similar, there’s also plenty of differences in everything from features to audience. a Ford Fiesta and an Audi TT are both cars: they both have wheels and seats, etc. but driving one would not necessarily tell you all there is to know about driving the other. If it’s driving itself you don’t enjoy, the differences may pass you by, but until you’ve tried a few different cars, you may not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is you dislike.
If you’re on a dating site that isn’t delivering you the results you want, try a different one and try to make it as different as possible - bigger, smaller, more niche, more generic - whatever can give you a broader taste of the industry. If you’re short of inspiration, there’s a detailed list of (mostly UK-based sites) in my book or for a quick list of good sites to try, take a look at my list.
You may discover that what you dislike is common to all dating sites, or you may well discover there is more to online dating than you thought.
August 19th, 2007
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been in and out of London, enjoying the Great British Festival scene. As a result, I’ve had a chance to speak to a lot of new people from all over the country about “the whole online dating thing”.
I had a number of very interesting conversations with people who all raised the same problem they have with online dating. They all felt that dating sites made the whole process of introduction seem too much like a job application, making it unromantic. They all preferred the old method of going out there and running into people by chance, trusting their heart (or “fate”) to make the right decision for them.
I know online dating professionals often like to talk about how superior the online method is to traditional dating exactly because of the fact that it’s focused and involves making decisions with your head first and then the heart, but personally I feel that this is a matter of personal preference. Some people are always going to be ruled by their heads, while some are more intuitive by nature. Throughout the centuries, people have found love using both of these methods, so I don’t care to fault either one.
Continue Reading August 5th, 2007
If you are not used to writing about yourself (which, let’s face it, most people aren’t), the thought of writing a personal description can be pretty scary.
What I’ve discovered, though, is that there is no need to be a professional or even a particularly skilled writer to come up with a personal description that would make people want to get to know you.
After all, you want your profile to be a good representation of who you are, not a novel or an epic poem.
Some of the best profiles I’ve seen in the line of my work were written by people who were obviously not professional writers but had simply sat down and written from the heart.
Rather than think too hard and try to be overly clever, there are a few simple things you can do that can make your personality show through.
Continue Reading July 26th, 2007
There is a huge difference between dating sites in terms of the features they offer. Some are pretty basic, while others offer a whole array of impressive-sounding features like video-chat, automatic matching, gift-giving, etc.
The important thing to remember when choosing a site, is that the most important thing the site could ever offer you is the person you will fall in love with. The people dating on the site are the most important feature and should come above all else.
Continue Reading July 2nd, 2007
Most online dating sites offer some feature or other meant to make contacting people “easier”. The generic term for these is icebreakers and they are known on individual sites as winks, pokes, kisses, flirts, etc. These features are generally free to use, making them the preferred method of communication by people who have not yet decided whether they want to subscribe to a site. They are also favoured by people who want to contact as many people as possible without putting any actual effort into it.
Is it worth it? You can probably guess from the title of this page that I think they are pretty much a waste of time.
Here’s why:
Continue Reading July 1st, 2007
When meeting people in real life, it’s possible to be wowed by a person, even though on paper he or she would have looked not quite right for us.
Online, on the other hand, we often only meet people based on a very specific set of characteristics.
A woman might think she is only interested in meeting men 6′ tall or taller, but if she ran into a 5′11″ man at a bar, she might not even notice.
A man may think he only wants to meet a woman under the age of 35, but what if the perfect 36 year old came along?
I don’t know a single person who never deviated from his or her supposed ideal at least once. The fact is, when the right person comes along, you can suddenly realise that the things that really matter to you are totally different from those you thought mattered.
Unfortunately, the limitations of the online dating world mean that you could easily become a slave of your limiting ideal, to the point where you are completely blocked to the possibility of meeting anyone else.
Obviously, there is no harm in starting your search by looking for your absolute ideal, but be aware of the limitations as you search. If your net doesn’t bring up enough potentials, expand your search and do your vetting in person rather than online. At the very worst, you will come out having learned even more about yourself and your needs.
June 26th, 2007
Different people have different ideas of how soon people should meet up after becoming acquainted via online dating.
As a general rule, it’s women who usually tend to be a bit more cautious (for obvious reasons) but you may well find some men who prefer to take their time, as well as women who like to move faster.
Some dating sites are more likely to appeal to those who want to take their time (such as those sites that cater to those seeking serious relationships) while others will have a larger concentration of fast paced daters. So how do you decide on the bes time?
Continue Reading May 23rd, 2007
For most people trying online dating, the most unpleasant situation in store will be a dull date. However, that is not always the case.
The truth is, online dating is about as safe as any other type of dating performed with perfect and near-perfect strangers: most strangers are likely to be perfectly harmless, but sadly, not all. It
pays to avoid any potentially hazardous situations until you know for sure the person you are meeting is OK.
Self-defence instructors usually say that the best defence is never to get into a dangerous situation in the first place.
You wouldn’t walk alone at night in a bad part of town, waving a wallet full of cash at potential robbers - that’s common sense.
No amount of martial arts would help you more than the simple act of avoiding the area altogether.
Similarly, the Internet has its own dark alleys and potential robbers, but
once you familiarise yourself with both the danger signs and the basic precautions, you can keep perfectly safe.
Make the following rules a part of your online dating routine and you will hopefully never experience any of the situations that have made them necessary.
When choosing and joining a dating site:
- Choose a reputable site -
never give money to a site that won’t let you search its database for free. The industry standard is ‘try before you buy’.
- Make sure to read the terms and conditions of the site when you sign up so you know exactly what it is you’re signing.
Many sites treat your membership like a magazine subscription: they will keep charging you until you tell them to stop. Make sure you know if this is the case and what you need to do to cancel.
- Beware of any site without a clearly visible privacy policy and terms & conditions. If not available on the site, you should be able to email and ask for them and have them sent to you promptly. Do not sign up to a site that cannot produce either.
While dating online:
- Protect your privacy by maintaining control of personal details such as your full name, telephone number, place of work, home address and even your email address. Never list any of those in your public profile
- Work or home address
Having someone turn up unwanted and uninvited at your work or home can be quite disconcerting, even if the person is fairly harmless. To
avoid such incidents, it’s generally agreed that you shouldn’t give out your address
until you’ve met someone in person at least once, if not more than once.
- Full name
Your full name, together with other details you may happen to give out (general area of residence, industry you work in, university you go to, etc.) can be enough for a determined person to locate your physical address. Avoid choosing usernames that reveal your full name and don’t reveal your last name to people you are unsure of.
- Phone number/email
Obviously, if you’re on a dating site, you will want to communicate with people. Sooner or later your communications will take you off site. Giving out your email address is generally considered fine, unless it’s your work address or an address that contains your full name.
Many people sign up to a free email account (hotmail, gmail, etc.) and use that to communicate with people they meet on dating sites, this way, everything is kept separate. Similarly, a mobile phone number is better to give out than a landline number, because it cannot be used to trace your address.
- Watch out for the danger signs , most are pretty obvious
- Things that are too good to be true
If a gorgeous young underwear model is dating on your site and says she is looking for a man to love her, ‘age and looks not important’, it may seem like you have struck gold, but stop and think for a minute , is this really likely?
That man may say he’s a rich city trader who moonlights as a male model and an actor, but is that really the case?
If the person in question then declares his/her love without ever having met you in person , that’s another sign things are not as they should be. It may be time to engage the help of the site’s support team and ask whether this person is a scammer.
- People asking for money
The net is full of scammers, but their ultimate goal , scamming people out of money , is exactly what makes them so easy to spot and avoid. Scammers use various sob stories to try and get money out of unsuspecting victims. If the person you’ve recently met online starts asking you for money, that’s a sign to leave, or at least have them checked out by the site’s support team.
- Potential stalker material
People who express their love to you too soon or get upset when you want to end a conversation or speak to other people may well turn out to be overly clingy at best and stalkers at worst. This is especially true for those who act this way before (or shortly after) you meet in person for this first time.
Abusive outbursts, even online ones, are generally a very bad sign, even when followed by an immediate apology.
Both men and women can exhibit these unwholesome qualities and if something makes you feel ill at ease, trust your instincts and move on.
When meeting people in person:
More detailed online dating advice, tips and information are available in Everyone’s guide to online dating: the only online dating book
written specifically for the UK market.
order now from Amazon.co.uk
May 22nd, 2007
Is the world of online dating all it’s cut out to be?
It may not a magic cure to everything that ails you, but Internet dating is indeed
as highly popular and as effective as us dating industry professionals say it is. Sure, in love, like in life, nothing is
ever guaranteed, but as you are reading this, people all over
the world are falling in love, hooking up and getting married as a result of trying online dating. It does actually work for
people,or it wouldn’t be the billion dollar industry it is today.
For some people, though, the experience is not as successful. Mistakes are easy to make when trying something
for the first time.
If you are going to get anywhere with online dating, there are a few things you’ll need to get your head around.
The following should give you an idea of what it takes to get results out of the online dating world.
- Put the effort in
Online dating may be simple and easy to use, but that doesn’t mean you should simply sit back and let things happen.
By making the decision to date online, you are effectively making a commitment to yourself and your own happiness.
This may sound a bit serious, but there is no need for stress. All this means is that you are saying to yourself that your well-being matters to
you and that you are willing to take steps towards a better life for yourself.
Putting the effort in doesn’t have to mean sacrificing all your free time and energy, but it does mean you should treat your decision to date online with
the respect both it and you deserve.
- Research and try out a few different dating sites before choosing one to join.
You can ask your friends which sites worked for them, read dating site reviews or just sign up for a few free demo accounts or trials
and see which one you like best. Being on the wrong site can make all the difference between finding the right person
and finding only people you would never dream of dating.
- Spend some time making your profile attractive by choosing a good picture and writing stuff that matters.
Don?t be tempted to leave things cryptic and minimal: make yourself stand out!
- Think before you click: putting some effort into the messages you send people on the site will go a long way towards getting you replies.
Make sure you really read someone’s profile before saying hello and try to go behind the obvious and really show you’ve paid attention.
- Spend time searching for suitable people and be prepared to kiss a fair number of frogs before your prince or princess appears.
Online dating is a numbers’ game and if you have any standards, you wil most likely have to go on a few disappointing dates. Accept it and don’t give up.
- Keep safe
People vary quite greatly in the way they embrace the online dating experience.
While some treat it with caution, following all the safety guidelines to the dot, others simply jump in there,
assuming everything will be OK.
Let?s face it: most online dating experience don?t end in disaster. If they did,
Internet dating would have died off long ago. This has much to do with the fact that online dating crime is reasonably limited,
but following the safety rules and keeping a level head are also important contributing factors.
Planning for the best while preparing for the worst is the best way of ensuring a safe, happy online dating experience.
- Read, memorise and follow online dating safety advice. Sound, basic advice is readily available
on all good dating sites, with more detailed advice available in various online dating guides, including, of course,
my book.
- Remember that the people you meet online are strangers and exercise the appropriate level of caution until you are satisfied that they are OK.
- With this in mind, take precautions when meeting people for the first time, particularly if you are a woman.
Meet in a public place, let a friend or relative know who you?re meeting and where and prearrange a way to signal for help in the unlikely
case you may need to do so (better to be safe than sorry, right?).
- Be on the look out for online dating scammers who may try to sell you sob stories to get you
to send them money. On the whole, it?s a Really Bad Idea to send money to anyone you met on the Internet,
regardless of what sad story they tell. If you suspect anyone of being a scammer, or if someone you met
seems too good to be true, consult your dating site?s customer service team, who should be well-experienced at
spotting and dealing with such scammers. They will also keep your query confidential.
- Enjoy the experience
One of the main gripes some people have with online dating is that it can sometimes take the
element of fun from the dating experience. It doesn?t have to be this way. Just because the process can
sometimes seem like a cross between applying for a job and interviewing potential job candidates,
doesn?t mean you can?t go out, have fun and enjoy the feeling of being a girl or guy about town. In fact, many online daters say
that joining a dating site and going on dates has in itself turned their lives around.
- Be happy! If you?ve been out of the dating experience for a while, going out and interacting with various
friendly strangers could be just what you need to get you back on your feet.
- Even a bad date can teach you
something about yourself and your own needs, wants and goals. Treat each one as a stepping stone that’s getting you one step closer to finding your mate.
- Don’t give up. It may take time and a bit of effort, but if you stick with it, you’re in with a good chance of
finding the right person for you. If you give up, however, you’re guaranteed to fail.
- Keep living your life
What do revenge and happiness have in common?
They can both be achieved by living well.
But while action movies may suffer if their angry, bereaved heroes all dropped their weapons and headed to the nearest spa,
your own life would only improve if you put your love-search in perspective. Sure, finding someone to share your life with is a
noble cause and should be treated as such, but there is no need to let it dominate your life.
The happiest relationships are those that stem out of a wish to complement someone?s life,
rather than act as a crutch. Apart from giving yourself a chance to enjoy the other parts of your life, being happy with
yourself will also make you more attractive to others. So while you?re looking for your dream man or dream woman,
don?t put your life on hold. Go out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies,
learn something new and take care of yourself and your own needs.
When the time comes and you find the right person, you will know that you are doing it for the right reasons.
As the title suggests, this article is meant to serve as an introduction to what it takes to make online dating work
for you.
More detailed online dating advice, tips and information are available in Everyone?s guide to online dating: the only online dating book
written specifically for the UK market. Find out more or
order your copy.
May 21st, 2007
A while ago, the BBC quoted a report stating that many cases of use of date rape drugs like rohypnol in rape cases were unfounded. The report claimed that in most cases the women had simply drunk too much.
Now, apparently, there is another report from the Government’s Advisory Council on the misuse of drugs showing the exact opposite.
Not only are there two commonly used date rape drugs that are entirely legal, apparently all of those substances leave the body quite quickly, so unless the drug test is performed very quickly, there is nothing left to test and the impression is that only alcohol was involved.
The council analysed this research in its own report and found that in some cases there were clear delays between an incident and attempts to detect samples.
And in 41 of the 62 instances where alcohol was detected, one or more controlled drugs were also present.
Obviously, I think it’s pretty fair to assume that the majority of these cases were not a result of online dating, but this is as good a time as any to reiterate how important it is to follow the standard online dating safety rules when meeting people. They are available on every decent dating site, as well as in my book (obviously!) and on this blog. These rules may seem paranoid and over the top but, personally, I’d rather be paranoid than a victim. When pubs and drinking are concerned, you’re better off not letting your guard down. By all means, drink and be merry, but don’t overdo it and don’t ever leave your drink unattended around strangers.
April 2nd, 2007
I was browsing the Sky news site today and came across an article discussing the difference between the way men and women communicate online. the article itself specifically deals with the way men within a business environment often take women less seriously because of their overly personalised, often embellished emails.
Women commonly use flowery speech and create personal e-mails; men tend to be precise and to the point,” says Marilyn Davidson, professor of work psychology at Manchester Business School, who co-wrote Gender and Communication at Work.
Continue Reading March 24th, 2007
