Posts filed under 'Online Dating Tips'
One question I keep getting asked is “what is the best dating site?” The short answer is, of course: there is no such thing.
Where is the best place to meet the love of your life? Ask any person who’s happily married and they’ll tell you the place where they met their husband/wife. This could be a particular club, the supermarket, the chess club, a resort in Ibiza, or practically anywhere else in the world. If you went to the same place as person X, would you meet the love of your life too? Who knows? There is absolutely no guarantee.
All we have going for us are statistics: increasing our chances of success. Sure, you may well meet the love of your life on the bus or on the beach, but you are far more likely to meet him/her somewhere a bit less random. While miracles obviously do happen, you can’t live your whole life sitting at home, passively waiting for one to happen for you.
So the first step is to put yourself out there, go out, date online, etc. Doing this increases your chances already, so how do you increase them further?
Continue Reading October 17th, 2007
This may seem obvious, I know from my own experience how hard it is sometimes to forget that you are writing to an audience that may not know anything about the subject you are writing about.
I’ve seen quite a lot of profiles where people seem to almost write in code. They seem to almost be writing for themselves without clatrifying potentially ambiguous points.
When you are writing about yourself, then you are writing about a subjet you know a lot about, so it’s easy to forget to fill in the details you think are pretty obvious.
While sometimes it’s OK to not over-elaborate (If you’re into house music, for example, there’s no need to spend lines upon lines explaining what type of music that is) some things may require a bit more detail to be properly understood.
Saying you are into “travel” or “dancing”, for example, would not make you stand out from the crowd and will definitely not tell your readers that much about you. Most people would say they enjoy travel but one person’s idea of the perfect holiday could be another person’s total nightmare.
Remember that what is obvious to you (’travel” meaning adventure travel to exotic places or “dancing” meaning ballroom dancing for example) may be completely misunderstood by others unless you elaborate.
Think about all the things you would like to know about your potential mate and come up with a list of questions (you can even write them down if that helps). Then answer all those questions in your own writing about yourself.
October 16th, 2007
I run into a lot of people who tell me they tried online dating and it didn’t work for them. When I ask for more details and get the full story, it usually turns out they’d tried one dating site and when it didn’t meet their expectations assumed all dating sites are the same and quit trying altogether.
In my opinion, you’ve not really given online dating a proper chance until you’ve looked at 5-10 sites and properly tried (as in, signed up for the free account, ran a detailed search and maybe even joined the free trial) at least 2-3. There are literally thousands of sites out there and while there are things that are bound to be similar, there’s also plenty of differences in everything from features to audience. a Ford Fiesta and an Audi TT are both cars: they both have wheels and seats, etc. but driving one would not necessarily tell you all there is to know about driving the other. If it’s driving itself you don’t enjoy, the differences may pass you by, but until you’ve tried a few different cars, you may not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is you dislike.
If you’re on a dating site that isn’t delivering you the results you want, try a different one and try to make it as different as possible - bigger, smaller, more niche, more generic - whatever can give you a broader taste of the industry.
You may discover that what you dislike is common to all dating sites, or you may well discover there is more to online dating than you thought.
August 19th, 2007
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been in and out of London, enjoying the Great British Festival scene. As a result, I’ve had a chance to speak to a lot of new people from all over the country about “the whole online dating thing”.
I had a number of very interesting conversations with people who all raised the same problem they have with online dating. They all felt that dating sites made the whole process of introduction seem too much like a job application, making it unromantic. They all preferred the old method of going out there and running into people by chance, trusting their heart (or “fate”) to make the right decision for them.
I know online dating professionals often like to talk about how superior the online method is to traditional dating exactly because of the fact that it’s focused and involves making decisions with your head first and then the heart, but personally I feel that this is a matter of personal preference. Some people are always going to be ruled by their heads, while some are more intuitive by nature. Throughout the centuries, people have found love using both of these methods, so I don’t care to fault either one.
Continue Reading August 5th, 2007
If you are not used to writing about yourself (which, let’s face it, most people aren’t), the thought of writing a personal description can be pretty scary.
What I’ve discovered, though, is that there is no need to be a professional or even a particularly skilled writer to come up with a personal description that would make people want to get to know you.
After all, you want your profile to be a good representation of who you are, not a novel or an epic poem.
Some of the best profiles I’ve seen in the line of my work were written by people who were obviously not professional writers but had simply sat down and written from the heart.
Rather than think too hard and try to be overly clever, there are a few simple things you can do that can make your personality show through.
Continue Reading July 26th, 2007
There is a huge difference between dating sites in terms of the features they offer. Some are pretty basic, while others offer a whole array of impressive-sounding features like video-chat, automatic matching, gift-giving, etc.
The important thing to remember when choosing a site, is that the most important thing the site could ever offer you is the person you will fall in love with. The people dating on the site are the most important feature and should come above all else.
Continue Reading July 2nd, 2007
Most online dating sites offer some feature or other meant to make contacting people “easier”. The generic term for these is icebreakers and they are known on individual sites as winks, pokes, kisses, flirts, etc. These features are generally free to use, making them the preferred method of communication by people who have not yet decided whether they want to subscribe to a site. They are also favoured by people who want to contact as many people as possible without putting any actual effort into it.
Is it worth it? You can probably guess from the title of this page that I think they are pretty much a waste of time.
Here’s why:
Continue Reading July 1st, 2007
When meeting people in real life, it’s possible to be wowed by a person, even though on paper he or she would have looked not quite right for us.
Online, on the other hand, we often only meet people based on a very specific set of characteristics.
A woman might think she is only interested in meeting men 6′ tall or taller, but if she ran into a 5′11″ man at a bar, she might not even notice.
A man may think he only wants to meet a woman under the age of 35, but what if the perfect 36 year old came along?
I don’t know a single person who never deviated from his or her supposed ideal at least once. The fact is, when the right person comes along, you can suddenly realise that the things that really matter to you are totally different from those you thought mattered.
Unfortunately, the limitations of the online dating world mean that you could easily become a slave of your limiting ideal, to the point where you are completely blocked to the possibility of meeting anyone else.
Obviously, there is no harm in starting your search by looking for your absolute ideal, but be aware of the limitations as you search. If your net doesn’t bring up enough potentials, expand your search and do your vetting in person rather than online. At the very worst, you will come out having learned even more about yourself and your needs.
June 26th, 2007
Different people have different ideas of how soon people should meet up after becoming acquainted via online dating.
As a general rule, it’s women who usually tend to be a bit more cautious (for obvious reasons) but you may well find some men who prefer to take their time, as well as women who like to move faster.
Some dating sites are more likely to appeal to those who want to take their time (such as those sites that cater to those seeking serious relationships) while others will have a larger concentration of fast paced daters. So how do you decide on the bes time?
Continue Reading May 23rd, 2007
A while ago, the BBC quoted a report stating that many cases of use of date rape drugs like rohypnol in rape cases were unfounded. The report claimed that in most cases the women had simply drunk too much.
Now, apparently, there is another report from the Government’s Advisory Council on the misuse of drugs showing the exact opposite.
Not only are there two commonly used date rape drugs that are entirely legal, apparently all of those substances leave the body quite quickly, so unless the drug test is performed very quickly, there is nothing left to test and the impression is that only alcohol was involved.
The council analysed this research in its own report and found that in some cases there were clear delays between an incident and attempts to detect samples.
And in 41 of the 62 instances where alcohol was detected, one or more controlled drugs were also present.
Obviously, I think it’s pretty fair to assume that the majority of these cases were not a result of online dating, but this is as good a time as any to reiterate how important it is to follow the standard online dating safety rules when meeting people. They are available on every decent dating site, as well as in my book (obviously!) and all over the Internet (such as here )These rules may seem paranoid and over the top but, personally, I’d rather be paranoid than a victim. When pubs and drinking are concerned, you’re better off not letting your guard down. By all means, drink and be merry, but don’t overdo it and don’t ever leave your drink unattended.
April 2nd, 2007
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