Woman taking selfie

11 Types of Online Dating Profile Pics That Make Women Appear Undateable

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Don’t fall for these common online dating profile pic mistakes, ladies. If you want to see some action on your profile (and beyond) you need to seriously up your game! Here are 10 types of female online dater who are making poor choices with their profile pics.

1. The Grouch

Nothing says “date me” like a resting bitch face, so the Grouch avoids smiling like the plague. Apparently appearing unapproachable, unpleasant and possibly constipated drives men wild. I know how annoying it is to be told to smile, so I’m not going to tell you to smile, but really, you should probably smile in your profile pic if you want people to get in touch with you. The “I wish I were dead and I hate you” look is not really cutting it.

2. The Donald Diva

Seriously? We’re still doing this shit?  It’s almost 2018. The duck face looks ridiculous and, just like the Grouch, makes you look dim and kinda shallow. Unless you’re being blatantly ironic about it, please avoid. It’s not nearly as cute as you think it is.

3. The Booty Call

Booty Call  likes to put it all out there, but wants men to treat her seriously. She wants a serious relationship and she has all these degrees and qualifications she writes about in her profile so men know she’s not just a piece of meat. Of course, what she gets is something like this, but with men instead of cats and dogs and the word “tits” instead of blah blah blah. No one’s ever bothered to read her profile, but the dick pics and lewd propositions are already on their merry way to her inbox. She also risks being mistaken for a call girl and treated accordingly. To be clear: I support every woman’s right to dress however she likes whenever she likes and slut shaming is bullshit. However, this is just how things work in online dating. Unless you want people to only want you for your body, lead with something else and play that shit down.

4. The Mirage

The Mirage has gone out of her way to get the best shots possible for her dating profile. She did a full-on makeover and a professional photo shoot and she looks like a million bucks. Trouble is, she looks too good to be true, because she is. Any man who sees her in person is going to be at least slightly disappointed. Some men might not even contact her at all, because looking too ‘shopped and perfect is a bit of a red flag. It’s OK to use a makeover shot in your profile, but make sure you also include something that shows the real you.

5. The Parent Trap

She’s a single mom and her kids are her life. So much so that she forgets that kids have no place at all in any picture on an online dating site ever. Men who date single moms do it in spite of them having children, not because of it. Unless they’re paedophiles, that is. We know your children will always come first: you’re a mom. You don’t need to illustrate the point in a profile pic that screams “my children need a father and you’re it” or “my entire life revolves around nappies and school runs”. Let’s concentrate on what makes you interesting and attractive instead so men will actually want to click on your profile. Hint: your kids ain’t it. They are separate entities in their own right and they’re not the one angling for a date right now. You are.

6. The “What Lies Beneath”

All her pics show her face and none show anything below the neck, making every man who looks at her profile think she’s morbidly obese. In fact, men are probably imagining the worst, when in reality she’s absolutely fine but is just insecure about her body. Thing is, not all men like skinny women. Men like all kinds of women. Wear your body proud, girl and get the right man for you. Guys are not going to fall for the facial bait & switch thing anyway.

7. Party Girl

Party Girl has loaded her profile with pics of her out partying because apparently her favourite shade of rouge is “shitfaced”.  Here she is wide-eyed on the dance floor at a club with her friends, there she is having her third cocktail at a bar, and here she is hugging a toilet while her BFF holds her hair back. Party Girl sure looks like a wild ride, but she also looks like a mess. She’ll probably need her date to shove her into a cab at the end of the night when she is too drunk to walk or possibly fish her out of a ditch on a Sunday. Girls, this is a good look if you’re looking for casual sex or an alcoholic boyfriend. Otherwise, probably not so great as an overall theme for your profile.

8. The Cave Dweller

Low lighting may hide her wrinkles and blemishes, but the Cave Dweller looks creepy AF with her Morticia Addams washed out complexion. There’s also that added sleaze factor of looking like “Blair Witch does porno”. Turn that light on! And if your phone camera sucks, use a proper camera to take your selfie. You’ll look loads better and get a lot more attention.

9. The Penny Dreadful

She thinks she’s being sexy, funny or simply normal but she’s actually being weird and scary in her pictures. Most men run a mile when they see her profile because she looks like someone who could boil the hell out of a bunny. You kinda hope she’ll find true love, but you’re worried it might end up a bit like Natural Born Killers or the Moors Murders or something. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about.

10. The “Here’s One I Made Earlier”

She doesn’t like her current pictures, so here’s one from 10 or 20 years ago. Sure, it might look a bit dated with those shoulder pads and the WTC in the background, but retro is all the rage right now, right? Plus, she’d like to be remembered as the woman she once was, not the woman her date’s actually going to meet. Unless your date has a DeLorean at the ready to whisk you off into the past, stick with current photos. Nobody’s going to date you because you used to look good. They will either like the way you look now or they won’t.

11. The Wedding Crasher

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, but boy, didn’t she look good all done up for her best friend’s wedding? Sometimes the pic is a bad scan or a cut out from one with the rest of the bridesmaids. As an added bonus, she could be holding the bouquet. Short of posing in a wedding dress in a profile pic captioned with “I do!” there’s nothing you can do to make yourself appear more desperate. Men can smell desperation and they will run a mile, even if they are ultimately looking for a serious relationship. Simply put: don’t do it. Put on a nice dress and have a normal picture taken.


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