Getting replies to your online dating messages

March 8th, 2009

Even if you put the effort in and message people, getting people to reply to your messages on online dating sites is not always easy. Men, especially, have to contend with plenty of competition online and can sometimes struggle to get noticed.

Here are a few ways you can make yourself stand out from the crowd:

1. Make sure your profile and picture(s) are as good as can be, before starting to message people. If someone gets a message from you, they will want to check you out to see if it’s worth replying, so you want them to find something worthwhile.
2. Send a personal message, or at the very least one that reads as if it’s personal. You can reference the person’s profile or picture in some way, ask a question about it or use it to explain why you decided to contact them.
3. People love compliments, so making ones will work in your favour. Avoid falling back on things like “I liked your profile”, as that has very little meaning and will generally be ignored. Think specifics.
4. Write a bit about yourself to give your message a bit more character, a paragraph or two will generally do. You’re trying to start a conversation. Don’t write essays and don’t repeat too much stuff you’ve already written in your profile. You can always invite the person to check it out and they will anyway if they are interested.
5. A handy trick that is often used on casual dating sites is to go a bit random. This usually gets people to reply with a confused/intrigued “what?” at which point you can explain your silly joke and hopefully start a conversation, once you’ve established yourself as a cheeky person. Random, slightly off the wall questions work best. For example, let’s say a woman is wearing a red shawl or hooded top in her picture, you could say something like “watch out for the wolf!” or ask if she’s seen her grandmother lately, referencing little red riding hood. Alternatively, go totally random with something like “how did you do that???” and come up with a really good punchline for when the confused person replies. Personally, I don’t like chat up lines and this trick seemed a bit weak to me when it was related to me, but I am assured by very successful online daters I know that it regularly works and does wonders for breaking the ice. Obviously, if a woman (or man) thinks you’re 100% unsuitable, they will ignore you, but if they think they might be a chance you’re attractive in person, this could start a conversation that’d make them take a chance.
6. Most importantly: keep trying! The more messages you send, the more likely you are to get replies. It’s a numbers’ game after all.

Related posts:

1. Rejection in online dating
2. Online dating tip: Are you still wasting your time with ice breakers?
3. There’s no room for wall flowers in online dating
4. How to increase your online dating chances and save money
5. Online dating: How long should the first message be?

Entry Filed under: Online Dating Tips