Online dating sites - they’re not all the same
August 19th, 2007
I run into a lot of people who tell me they tried online dating and it didn’t work for them. When I ask for more details and get the full story, it usually turns out they’d tried one dating site and when it didn’t meet their expectations assumed all dating sites are the same and quit trying altogether.
In my opinion, you’ve not really given online dating a proper chance until you’ve looked at 5-10 sites and properly tried (as in, signed up for the free account, ran a detailed search and maybe even joined the free trial) at least 2-3. There are literally thousands of sites out there and while there are things that are bound to be similar, there’s also plenty of differences in everything from features to audience. a Ford Fiesta and an Audi TT are both cars: they both have wheels and seats, etc. but driving one would not necessarily tell you all there is to know about driving the other. If it’s driving itself you don’t enjoy, the differences may pass you by, but until you’ve tried a few different cars, you may not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is you dislike.
If you’re on a dating site that isn’t delivering you the results you want, try a different one and try to make it as different as possible - bigger, smaller, more niche, more generic - whatever can give you a broader taste of the industry. If you’re short of inspiration, there’s a detailed list of (mostly UK-based sites) in my book or for a quick list of good sites to try, take a look at my list.
You may discover that what you dislike is common to all dating sites, or you may well discover there is more to online dating than you thought.
Entry Filed under: Online Dating Tips
8 Comments Add your own
1. Molly | August 30th, 2007 at 1:07 am
Average looking men, especially need to understand that they need to contact many women at a dating site to get a few responses. The most attractive women will be heavily sought after and the competition can be fierce. Best to be original to stand out.
2. internet dating | September 1st, 2007 at 2:51 pm
the reason why it’s not working for them is because they are doing things which DON’T work.
Another reason why it doesn’t work for some people is because they select the wrong site for what they’re looking for…
and the biggest reason why it doesn’t work for them is because they don’t understand HOW to meet women online.
Dave M.
3. Doug | March 28th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Internet dating does not work for one simple reason: PEOPLE LIE! And for the most part…the people “looking for love” or a “love connection” are losers. The ‘internet space’ gives them pseudo-courage…to say things they wouldn’t have the cojones to say face-to-face. And to reinterate…people lie….ABOUT EVERYTHING. Either meet someone locally, or learn to live with yourself.
4. Shimrit | March 30th, 2009 at 9:55 am
If you try dating online with this sort of negative attitude, you’re bound to get nowhere. People who lie online are exactly the same people who lie offline. It’s just easier for them to lie on the Internet than in their home town. The truth is, there are definitely losers online, but there are also normal, lovely people who are just looking for love. If you assume everyone is out to get you, you’re likely to totally miss out on the nice people out there, because a part of you will secretly want to meet the freaks, to prove to yourself your first impression was right. If the site you’re dating on is not delivering, try a better site and give it a chance.
5. Susie | May 3rd, 2009 at 12:05 am
I have tried internet dating on multiple sites and NONE of them work. You start to write to somebody who looks like a match, nice looking, same interests, then poof! You never hear from them. Or somebody who sounds nice on line is not what you expect in person -strange personality, etc. Most of the men’s photos over 50 look way younger than their actual age. Oh and how about the guys who absolutely look disgusting - appearance, hairy faces, badly groomed/dressed - absolutely no appeal. You also can’t tell how someone is from photos. Plus - they do lie.!! I think the best way to meet is by chance out there - and how - please tell me. I am done spending money on the sites.
6. Shimrit | May 13th, 2009 at 7:26 am
Susie, unfortunately, I can’t tell exactly where your problem with online dating lies, as I don’t know which sites you’ve dated on, nor do I know anything about you and your requirements. It could be that the sites you tried weren’t up to scratch or there could be a different reasons why you didn’t have any joy. However, if you want to meet someone not through online dating, I’d say the best way is to start expanding your social circle and the opportunities you have for meeting others - singles’ events or even just normal parties and meet ups, maybe some hobby classes where you can meet likeminded people, etc. Depending on where in the world you are, there are actually some dating sites where the list events you can go on. Even if you don’t meet someone you want to date straight away, making new friends can open doors in itself.
7. Denise | June 17th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
I’m finally going to meet someone I met on line tomorrow night. We’ve been corresponding for about 3 months. We have tons in common and he seems to be a really nice person. I must admit that I am not the trusting type, nor am I a risk taker. But, I’m willing to try. I’ve been unable to meet someone locally (off-line). So I tried this method. We’ll see what happens.
8. Tim | June 18th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Internet dating can work but it’s full of pitfalls. I’m a guy (in my 30’s) and to be honest not very forward, I signed up to 4 sites on/off in the last 18 months and while I’ve had several dates including a couple relationships I’ve now had enough.
The feedback I mainly hear from dates is that the sites do contain men (and women) who lie (age, marital status even photo). What this ultimately does is devalue the experience/chance for us genuine types. Yes it is very true, you do get interested in someone and all of a sudden they disappear - I term this ‘bumping’ (someone better just came along). This bumping can occur well after dating too, it seems the sites promote a ‘can I get anyone better’ attitude. Of course there are many generalisations here. Sometimes I’ve been bumped only to be contacted a few weeks later by the same person… ladies, I see what happened and guess what, I’m not interested.
Dating sites can knock confidence too, you’ve put the profile online, with a good photo/description and then nothing happens…you visit profiles, perhaps email and nothing materialises. Now this could be 2 things, 1 the site does not promote you or maybe you are just not what people are looking for (on face value). Neither does much for self esteem.
Overall my advice would be to try internet dating but time box each site (1 month max). I’m now doing what others recommend and getting out in life. Clubs/hobbies and social circles are far better to meet people.
Now in the time I’ve written this I’ve had 2 visits, 1 wink and 1 email from a dating site…do I get the feeling this new interest will be right for me…unfortunately no, I just can’t get excited anymore.
Leave a Comment
Please be nice! Don't try to post comments just to plug your own website or service. Those won't get published on here, so you'd be wasting your time anyway.Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>
Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed