Messaging women on a dating site is not always easy. Competition can be tough, especially if you’re aiming for an attractive woman. Also, the medium can be a bit confusing, with many men being unsure of etiquette, what women want or expect and what constitutes a good first message. Here are the five golden rules to keep in mind when you’re composing your first message to the possible woman of your dreams.
(the man in the pic is in no way connected to this piece)
1 Have a good profile in place
The first thing a woman’s going to do is read your profile, yet so many men are so eager to get on with contacting women that they don’t put any time or effort into what they write. A good photo is obviously a must, too and you can get away with quite bland messages if your profile pic is attractive enough (humans are shallow, what can I say). If you need tips about choosing a photo and writing a good profile, start here and here and here.
But don’t worry, if a woman likes your first message, she’ll take a chance on you even if she’s not entirely sure about the pics. So…
2 Be Respectful
Different women are going to respond in different ways to different messages, but the vast majority of women prefer to be treated with respect. It’s fine to be a bit cheeky and flirty, but there’s a fine line between that and being rude, creepy and sleazy. Unless you’re on a hook up site, don’t offer sex straight away or ask about what the woman likes in bed, don’t discuss her anatomy in a direct way and for god’s sake, don’t send any dick pics. It might seem obvious,but apparently it oh so isn’t. So basically “you have nice tits” is out, but something like “fancy a pint?” or some sort of tongue in cheek chat up line can be fine.
3 Pay attention
Look beyond the woman’s picture and have a good read of her dating profile. Apart from knowing whether you’re likely to be her type, it’s going to be a treasure trove of conversation starters. Remember though that if something in her profile stands out as an obvious conversation starter (like “I work at the circus as an aerial acrobat” for example, or “I am 6′ 2”) chances are every man and his dog will have already asked her about it and she’s fed up of talking about it. So try to go for something less obvious and you won’t be as dull as the rest of them.
4 Keep it short
She doesn’t know whether she likes you yet and really, you want her checking out your profile, so don’t write essays. A couple of paragraphs at most, if not less. If you’re finding it hard to be concise, write out a longer message, then read it over a few times critically and cut it down to size. Can’t write two paragraphs? A one liner is all you need to start a conversation.
5 Don’t try too hard to impress
I know it’s hard to stand out as a man on a dating site, but trying too hard to be cool can often reek of effort and backfire horribly. So don’t go on about your fine qualities in your message, don’t waste your time on trite pick up techniques and whatever you do, don’t go for that lame pick up artist tactic of insulting women to get them to respond. Most women I’ve come across actually hate that. You’re far better off just having a good looking, detailed profile and just saying hello than to try and look like superdate.