There’s no room for wall flowers in online dating

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Real life dating is not always fun. Depending on the sort of person you are and your state of mind, it can be frustrating, depressing and confusing. Sure, it can also be fun and exciting, but many people shy away from having to go out there, meet new people and kiss many frogs.

Such people might turn to online dating as an alternative, hoping to be able to just sit back and find “the one” without any conscious effort on their part. Bzzzzt WRONG! A bit harsh, I know, but the truth must be told.

Unless you’re a really attractive, young woman with a beautiful profile picture, you simply cannot rely on the hope that the right person will contact you. Even as a beautiful young woman, you would still need to put the hours in, weeding out the freaks and meeting up with anyone who looks like they might be worth your time.

Anyone else, be you man or woman, will need to step away from the wall and take a chance. There’s no point being on a dating site and not contacting anyone. Yes, there are sites out there that cater for people who want to take it slow and have matches sent to them instead of having to search for them (you can read about those in my other post) but ultimately, you’ll still end up with a list of people in front of you and there is no guarantee you’ll like any of them. The only thing you can do is check them out, select the ones you think you might like and send them a message. That’s a proper message, not one of those stupid winks, flirts, kisses or whatever your dating site might call those impersonal little non-messages that are more often than not ignored by the recepients.

Look at the person’s profile, decide for yourself what you like about it and then write a message appropriately. A message is just a message. It’s not a marriage proposal or a date or even a text message. It’s just something you do to see if you think you might like to meet this man or woman in person. You can send those to as many people as you like – expressing an interest in someone doesn’t bind you to them forever. Be willing to do this as many times as it takes, if you’re serious about finding someone online. Be willing to then meet some people and kiss some frogs, too.

If you are naturally shy, meeting people may not come easy. Luckily, sending messages online is a lot easier than going up to someone in person and a rejection is not likely to be as daunting either.

If finding love is something you’re serious about doing, then you must be ready to do some serious work to make it happen. If all you want to do is sit around and wait, you may be waiting a while.

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