To lie or not to lie

April 18th, 2009

It’s no secret that many people are put off by online dating because they think so many people on there lie about stuff like marriage/relationship status. While Internet dating players are not any more or less common than their offline counterparts (and then to appear more often than not in the lives of those online daters who turn to attract bad apples wherever they go), it’s true that it lends itself to milder cases of people bending the truth.

Online dating can be harsh. In life, we often bend the rules when we meet someone who ticks our most important boxes. In fact,we often learn what the real important boxes are when we are confronted by someone who is somewhat or completely unlike the person we thought we wanted to date and find we want to date them anyway. Chemistry is a mysterious, elusive thing.

Online dating as a system, doesn’t leave much room for this sort of behaviour. It allows people to labour under the misconception that we always have a clear idea of exactly who we’re looking for, all the way down to eye and hair colour, profession and musical taste.

It can actually turn people into stats fascists – limiting searches by factors that may not always be as set in stone as they seem and allow people to leave out whole sections of society that may harbour a suitable match after all.

And so we get men limiting their search by age limits and women’s weight, women searching for men who have a certain level of income or a certain height, etc. These are also, by the way, the most common things people lie about online.

So is it OK to lie to get yourself into such limiting searches when you don’t quite fit the bill?

It’s all a matter of extent. For example, if you’re a man who’s 5’7″ tall and say you’re 6’2″ online, your ruse will not make it past first date. If you’re so sure of your ability to win women over with your charisma and charm that you’d be willing to tell such a massive lie to get them to meet you, I’d say your best bet is either to tell the truth on your profile, contact women and use this charm to get them to give you a chance anyway or alternatively, try meeting women in person by going to singles’ events in your area where your charisma could truly show itself.

On the other hand, if you’re 5’11″ it won’t hurt you to say you’re 6′ tall to get into more searches as most people won’t even be able to tell the difference between one and the other.

Similarly, if you’re a woman aged 50 or 51 and you feel you are young in looks and outlook, you’d get nowhere saying you’re 25, but you could easily get away with putting 50 or 49 to get into a lower age bracket in people’s searches. Just remember to tell people your right age when you meet them, so that you’re not living a lie!

The rule is, you shouldn’t lie to trick people into thinking they are getting something they are not (like a married man saying he is single so he can cheat on his wife, for example, or a single mother claiming she doesn’t have kids) but it’s generally OK to bend the truth a little bit to make your profile a little bit more competitive.

Remember that a 50 year old woman who looks 5 years younger and a 5’11″ man would have more of a competitive edge when meeting people in person, so if such people want to keep their edge online, bending the truth is the way to do it.

Alternatively, stick to the types of dating where your features do the work for you rather than your numbered stats.

Related posts:

1. How soon should you meet up?
2. Dating – don’t just keep it online

Entry Filed under: Online Dating Tips