Relationships and dating
Anything that isn’t specifically to do with online dating but is more to do with general dating and relationship issues. Of course, these cross over to online dating, but the topics covered here are generally much broader.
For obvious reasons, I am no stranger to the world of rehashed, convoluted dating features that fill the pages of newspapers and magazines nowadays. I’m sure you know them too – articles dealing with “relationship trends” and other such so-called global matters of the heart that may be affecting people in this modern world blah blah.
Well, here’s what happens when spoof news site, The Onion takes a jibe at such fluff…
Continue Reading August 13th, 2010
Here’s a new relationship compatibility test to try. It’s not a part of a dating site, but a standalone site. It’s been developed by Dr. Robert Epstein, an American psychologist, author and editor specialising in behavioural sciences.
He is interested in the study of love and motivation and this alone is quite fascinating.
You can read an interview with Epstein here where he raises some interesting theories about falling in love.
The compatibility test is free to take and is available here.
July 28th, 2010
A new dating site aims to match up complete opposites but is this concept really helpful or is it just another gimmick with no purpose apart from making the site some money?
Continue Reading June 29th, 2010
Times they are a changing… New research in America confirms what some of us have been saying for years: nowadays, gender roles are changing and it’s far more socially acceptable for the woman to be the better educated, high earner in a relationship.
Continue Reading May 20th, 2010
Here’s a bit of interesting news – online dating apparently yields more marriages than meeting people in bars. It’s now the third most common method of meeting people for marriage.
Continue Reading May 3rd, 2010
Sites like Ashley Madison that actively encourage people to cheat on their spouses are becoming increasingly popular. The Pittsburgh Channel recently ran an article asking whether cheating is now becoming the new norm and whether such sites are responsible for it. But has the state of play really changed so much? Or are we simply being hypocritical and naive?
Continue Reading March 11th, 2010
I know lots of people go to ballroom dance classes to meet single men and women, but the problem is, a lot of the people who go to dance classes don’t want to be chatted up by people. They want to dance.
So where do you go if you want to dance and also want to meet like-minded singles?
Well, I got news of a fun singles’ dance / speed dating event coming up in March. It’s organised by Yogo Dating in conjunction with the Children’s Trust and even has some people from Strictly Come Dancing in it.
I don’t know Yogo Dating, but I think this is a brilliant idea. I’ve been to my fair share of tango classes and I know for a fact that any type of couples’ dance gives a great insight into what someone is like as a partner in a relationship (and some might say in bed, but I’m saying nothing).
It makes for a good speed dating event and it’s for a good cause too.
If you’re interesting in dancing and mingling, check out this link – Charity Singles’ dance / speed dating
February 16th, 2010
Being single may suck on a day when everyone seems to want to ram romance down your throat, but the buzz this date creates around love, dating and online dating can only mean one thing – new blood on dating sites!
It’s like a gym in January full of fresh-faced hopefuls with brand new tracksuits and 10 Christmas pounds to shed.
With so many dating sites having special offers on, too, now’s your chance to take another look at the dating site you’re already on, the one you looked at and thought wasn’t for you or ones you never even tried before. You never know who might have joined in the meantime…
February 14th, 2010
Here’s a question that keeps coming up time and time again: even in these days of supposed sexual liberation and gender equality, is it OK for women to hit on men?
Continue Reading December 21st, 2009
Speed Dater
have a big NYE party in London, at the Abbey bar. They are currently offering a 2 for 1 deal on tickets. There will be a lock & key party, optional speed dating sessions and the usual things such as photo wall, food, music and dancing. The party’s open to singles of the 24-40 age range. The dress code is smart casual to smart.
This is a big party for up to 500 singles and the only NYE party SpeedDater are doing, so I expect there will be people there from outside of London too.
Continue Reading December 11th, 2009
If you’re looking for a personal recommendation about a personal introductions agency, here’s some good news about a new concept in matchmaking headed by a dear friend and colleague of mine.
Matchmakers and introduction agencies used to be all the rage when it came to getting direct personal assistance with finding love, but the mental image they conjure is not always good – a chain-smoking little old lady parents would hire to get their spinster daughter a husband is the one that first came into my mind!
This image is, however, far from true, as exampified by Coffee and Company, a London based introduction agency for successful professional singles.
Continue Reading December 5th, 2009
There’s a new dating event debuting this Saturday in London promising to be an interesting alternative to your usual speed dating and lock and key party type events.
Offering an alternative dating experience to fun creative people (23-35), Shoot Dating sounds like a cross between a treasure hunt and a photography class, where the goal is to take photos according to clues.
Participants work in teams (a different one for every clue, to introduce you to more singles) and can win cool prizes like cameras. There’s also free entry to a party afterwards at the Bathhouse so you can mingle. The party is a band / rock night, which is in itself somewhat alternative, considering the music played at most standard singles’ events.
I often get people asking me about good singles’ events designed particularly for intelligent, creative and funky people and it’s a toughy. This one seems like it fits the bill.
I like the teamwork aspect of it, which is a great way of learning a lot about a person. The concept is interesting and the location is cool, so should make for an interesting day (and night) out.
December 1st, 2009
Online dating is all well and good, but limiting your social life to online interaction will do you no favours. For many people, it takes a while before all those profile searches, winks and messages turn into actual dates. So in the meantime you should be looking at additional ways of getting yourself out of the house and into social situations where you will meet new people.
Continue Reading November 25th, 2009
I had an interesting discussion recently with someone who’d tried online dating and was disappointed. She said she’d been taken aback by people’s habit of continuing to search for more matches online even after they’d been on a seemingly good date.
To her, this implied that people did not take online dating seriously enough – as if relationships formed online were more “disposable”.
There’s already been much discussion about how online dating has changed relationships, but my take on it is different than the above. With the main attraction of online dating often being the sheer number of eligible singles you can meet, it’s not hard to understand why people may not want to settle on the first person they meet. Sure, there are players and casual daters who set out to find one person after another, but those searching for a husband or a wife have even more of a vested interest in being choosy.
Personally, I believe that relationships that follow a period of active dating can actually end up being stronger and more meaningful, as there wouldn’t be a question of whether one person settled for the other.
Of course, if someone is successful at dating online, the temptation can always be there to try for someone better, any time something seems to go wrong in the relationship they’re in – actually making relationships “disposable”.
Have you experienced this? If so, please leave a comment.
November 2nd, 2009
When you meet someone online, it’s tempting to try and find out more about them, to see if they are all they’re cracked up to be. But is this the best policy to ensure a happy ending for your love story? A recent article in the Washington post asks whether there can still be a true blind date in the days of the Internet.
Continue Reading October 13th, 2009
I was reading today that a pair of gorillas are celebrating the birth of their first child after being successfully matched by online dating.
Someone left a comment on the article, lamenting the so-called death of similar love-focused introduction agencies for humans and claiming online dating is now only used by people who want to make use of the large number of available singles to lead lives full of casual relationships only.
But is romance really dead online?
Continue Reading March 30th, 2009
This morning I had the dubious pleasure of having to wake up much earlier than normal to be interviewed on the radio. The matter at hand was the age old question: who should pay for the meal when dating?
I followed a bitter-sounding man who said women should pay for their half because “men end up paying for everything once they are married”. The presenter asked me whether I thought the matter of who pays for the meal at the beginning can be an indication of how things will pan out during the rest of the relationship. I said yes and that if a man is problematic about paying for a date with a woman at the beginning of the relationship, it does not bode well, although many women prefer to split the bill to avoid feeling indebted to a man they have only started seeing.
Continue Reading October 30th, 2007
(No. Not the horrible Disney version. The original version: Andersen’s at a push, but he probably ripped it off from a cautionary tale mothers used to tell their daughters before bedtime. Andersen’s version is on Wikipedia, complete with a fairly Christian spin.)
In my recent column for Gorgeous Dating I wrote about the Seinfeld Dating Syndrome and how people often subconsciously turn insignificant faults into deal-breakers and ruin their own chances of happiness.
To compare and contrast, I briefly touched upon the subject of how we are often willing to sacrifice our own happiness for the illusion that a bad relationship with an inconsiderate person could turn around and be a “happily ever after” affair after all.
Continue Reading September 12th, 2007
Last week, I went to a tango class for the first time in a while. It was a new class with an entirely new crowd of people I’d never danced with before. having danced with about 10 different guys throughout the class, I was suddenly struck by how much can be learnt about people from this type of physical, non-sexual interaction. Couples’ dances are a form of conversation. There is a leader and a follower, it requires clarity and attentiveness on both parts to create a flow of movement and create something beautiful together.
I can’t think of a better metaphor for relationships. In fact, I am pretty certain you can learn a lot about the way people are in their relationships by observing the way they interact with each other while dancing.
Continue Reading August 19th, 2007
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been in and out of London, enjoying the Great British Festival scene. As a result, I’ve had a chance to speak to a lot of new people from all over the country about “the whole online dating thing”.
I had a number of very interesting conversations with people who all raised the same problem they have with online dating. They all felt that dating sites made the whole process of introduction seem too much like a job application, making it unromantic. They all preferred the old method of going out there and running into people by chance, trusting their heart (or “fate”) to make the right decision for them.
I know online dating professionals often like to talk about how superior the online method is to traditional dating exactly because of the fact that it’s focused and involves making decisions with your head first and then the heart, but personally I feel that this is a matter of personal preference. Some people are always going to be ruled by their heads, while some are more intuitive by nature. Throughout the centuries, people have found love using both of these methods, so I don’t care to fault either one.
Continue Reading August 5th, 2007
It’s official, you can die of a broken heart.
The term “love doctor” has just gained an entirely new meaning.
April 21st, 2007
A while ago, the BBC quoted a report stating that many cases of use of date rape drugs like rohypnol in rape cases were unfounded. The report claimed that in most cases the women had simply drunk too much.
Now, apparently, there is another report from the Government’s Advisory Council on the misuse of drugs showing the exact opposite.
Not only are there two commonly used date rape drugs that are entirely legal, apparently all of those substances leave the body quite quickly, so unless the drug test is performed very quickly, there is nothing left to test and the impression is that only alcohol was involved.
The council analysed this research in its own report and found that in some cases there were clear delays between an incident and attempts to detect samples.
And in 41 of the 62 instances where alcohol was detected, one or more controlled drugs were also present.
Obviously, I think it’s pretty fair to assume that the majority of these cases were not a result of online dating, but this is as good a time as any to reiterate how important it is to follow the standard online dating safety rules when meeting people. They are available on every decent dating site, as well as in my book (obviously!) and on this blog. These rules may seem paranoid and over the top but, personally, I’d rather be paranoid than a victim. When pubs and drinking are concerned, you’re better off not letting your guard down. By all means, drink and be merry, but don’t overdo it and don’t ever leave your drink unattended around strangers.
April 2nd, 2007
Dr David Voas from The University of Manchester said that zodiac ‘love signs’ have no impact on our chances of marrying – and staying married.
The Senior Research Fellow at the University’s Centre for Census and Survey Research analysed the birthdays of all 20 million husbands and wives in England and Wales.
The investigation – using 2001 census data – failed to reveal any evidence of attraction between star signs.
(Full article here)
The research takes into account the fact that professional astrologers view the complete birth charts, rather than rely solely on sun sign, but assumes that sun signs would account for a level of measurable influence, if it existed.
There is no shortage of dating sites out there that offer astrological matching but somehow I doubt any of them will suffer too greatly from the publication of this report. Astrology is still a highly popular way for people to measure their supposed “compatibility”.
Astrology has different trends in it, much like psychology. Astrological compatibility tests are used to measure particular compatibility factors and ignore others (much like trends in psychology 
).
The important thing people should keep in mind following this survey is not to take astrological compatibility too seriously and, in particular, not to write off any supposedly “incompatible” matches.
Anything that pigeon-holes people based on factors they cannot control is limited at best.
March 27th, 2007
I came across an interesting article today about the way mobile text conversations and online interaction supposedly affect teenagers’ views on relationships. By “interesting” I don’t actually mean intelligent and well thought-out, unfortunately.
Here’s an example:
Professor Doreen Rosenthal said mobiles and the internet had created an accelerating intimacy between adolescents, with many making relationship decisions more swiftly than previous generations. Electronic communication tended to shrink the time span in which friendships developed, leaving teenagers more exposed to risky decision-making.
The article seems to suggest that, as a result, teenagers get a “false sense of intimacy” and tend to sleep with each other faster than they otherwise would:
“For many teenagers, this acceleration of intimacy is occurring without the usual checks and balances of face-to-face contact. It’s a pseudo-intimacy. You don’t create genuine intimacy through these mediums.
Continue Reading March 26th, 2007
Here’s an interesting article about love, marriage and sex.
Quoting Californian Couple’s therapist Marty Klein:
Klein says his boomer generation is the first to marry for love, expect hot sex with the same partner, and live for an extremely long time.
Is this want-it-all concept working for today’s marriages? Not particularly well, according to Klein, citing statistics that suggest about 50 per cent of marriages end in some form of separation, and more than 50 per cent of boomer adults are not monogamous.
What most experts forget to mention when discussing our generation’s high divorce record is that divorce was practically socially unacceptable up until the latter half of the 20th century. People weren’t happier then, they were just less likely to be able to do anything about it, unless one of them died. In a country like America (and, by the way, Israel) where people are socially pushed into marriage and see it as an integral part of any relationship, you’re bound to end up with a higher divorce rate, as people discover they’ve made a mistake (or simply grown apart) and break up. Alternatively, they choose to keep the security of married/attached life, while getting their excitement by having illicit affairs.
Continue Reading March 24th, 2007
The woman in this picture isn’t me. I am not blonde, for one. Also, there is no way I would ever be this calm hanging off a cliff. I chose this image for this post because I want to illustrate something. I will get to that shortly. So welcome to my dating blog. I hope you will find it useful. As you may already know, my name is Shimrit and I work in the online dating industry. I’ve recently written the book you can see on the right hand side. It will be out in the shops in May, which should give you plenty of time to decide whether you like my writing style (it’s available on Amazon for pre order, in case you’re one of those mythical “pay now, buy later” people!)
So this blog is going to be all about online dating and dating in general and my (not so) humble opinion of both.
But before I start talking about dating, I’d like to open this blog by talking a little bit about being single.
Continue Reading February 23rd, 2007
