An Online Dating Blog by Shimrit Elisar

Who should pay for the first date?

October 30th, 2007

This morning I had the dubious pleasure of having to wake up much earlier than normal to be interviewed on the radio. The matter at hand was the age old question: who should pay for the meal when dating?

I followed a bitter-sounding man who said women should pay for their half because “men end up paying for everything once they are married”. The presenter asked me whether I thought the matter of who pays for the meal at the beginning can be an indication of how things will pan out during the rest of the relationship. I said yes and that if a man is problematic about paying for a date with a woman at the beginning of the relationship, it does not bode well, although many women prefer to split the bill to avoid feeling indebted to a man they have only started seeing.

The way I see it, when a man takes a woman out on a date, he is trying to make a good impression on her. Sure, the woman also has to make a good impression, but in nature it is generally the males who dance around shaking their tail-feathers at the females and the females take their pick of the lot. I am perfectly happy with that arrangement, as are most women I have come across.

In today’s world it’s no longer unheard of for some women to be making more money than their male dates, but it’s debatable whether this issue should really matter when going on a date.

If during that time of supposed good-impression making, a man thinks of his wallet more than he thinks about the woman in front of him, that is not a good sign. It doesn’t exactly spell devotion to the cause, does it?
Think of how much worse things will get once you’re in a relationship with him and he goes a bit complacent.

A man should at least offer and be willing to pay for the woman’s meal out of courtesy, to make her feel that he values her company.
Believe me, no woman would find it “refreshing” of a man to expect her to pay for his meal. It is also not refreshing for a man to make an awkward point about women pulling their own weight and how equality goes both ways, etc.
If you are willing to risk ruining a perfectly pleasant date by making a point about “women” or going over the bill with a fine tooth comb to see who ate how many potatoes, then you have your priorities all wrong.

As for women, remember that dating is not a job where you get paid with free meals to spend time with guys. There’s another name for that sort of activity.

Gentlemen know they are expected to pay for a woman’s meal and do so without any expectations of things to come. It’s a nice gesture and one that should not be taken for granted. It also won’t kill you to politely refuse sometimes and pay for your half, especially when you know the person you are dating is not exactly loaded.

Entry Filed under: Relationships and dating